He swore to end his meth-head lifestyle for the sake of his daughter.

But quitting a highly addictive drug after many years isn’t easy. Now two months since his last fix, the withdrawal symptoms are still tough.

“I have nights when I’m petrified as my craving is so bad, but I try to push through the pain and the shivering,” Adam, now 39, told FMT recently.

Adam’s history with crystal meth started in 2010 when he was encouraged to try it by so-called friends.

“After the first half hour, I felt like I was semi-conscious. I really liked that,” he said. “It made me feel like I could forget all my problems.”

Crystal meth, or methamphetamine is a powerful, addictive stimulant. Other common names for it include ice, blue, and speed.

Users get high by inhaling the powder up their nose, known as snorting; injecting it intravenously in a water or alcohol solution, known as slamming; or smoking it in a bong or water pipe, known as puffing.

Adam usually puffed or slammed it.

He said ice users experience heightened emotions and feelings. Sexual pleasure is also greatly intensified.

Once turned on to the effects, Adam was no longer content with normal emotions and ordinary sexual pleasure. He needed to keep himself constantly high, and was soon addicted. Addicts, known as meth-heads or tweakers, will do anything to get their next fix.

He became so desperate that he regularly crept out of his family home in Kelantan in the middle of the night to hook up with other tweakers and dealers.

It’s not difficult to spot a meth addict.

Attractive people rapidly become haggard and wizened. Meth-mouth is common, when the teeth and gums turn black and teeth fall out. They also have skin sores from scratching.

Long-term psychological effects include violent behaviour, paranoia, and hallucinations.

Inevitably, Adam lost sight of reality and the dangers inherent to an addict’s lifestyle. He became reckless and didn’t practise safe sex. Before long, Adam, a bisexual, was diagnosed with HIV.

He eventually contracted AIDS which caused his immune system to fail, and he was in and out of hospital for several months.

Someone told his family that he had HIV. They disapproved so strongly that he moved out of the family home a year ago.

He ventured back home for Raya this year despite his fragile mental state and failing health. He was not welcomed.

He ruefully recalls his family shunning him. He became so depressed that he barricaded himself in his room all night and refused to break fast with his family.

Thoroughly dejected, he decided to drive to Kota Bharu to fetch his eight-year-old daughter from his ex-wife’s home.

He picked his daughter up but after only a few minutes driving on the highway, he collided with another car.

His daughter’s face slammed into the dashboard. Bleeding and terrified, she begged for her mother. Adam called his ex-wife who came and took the traumatised girl home.

He is clearly still shocked. “I believe everything is destined by God, and as I drove home alone, I cried and prayed to God, asking if He had tested me enough and begging Him to take me back.”

He is now making a serious attempt to quit drugs, and is conditionally reunited with his family. He lives with his sister in Kuala Lumpur and is holding down a job with her company.

“I believe God knows me and gave me back my family.”

He says he is persevering with his struggle because of his love for his daughter, so that he can be the father that she needs and deserves, and someone she can count on.

He has tried quitting before, but always failed. Severe depression always lures him back to his circle of tweakers.

All recovering addicts need support and he has no friends who want to help him stop. Most of them actually encourage him to start using again. So far he has managed to ignore them.

Over the two months it’s been since his last fix, he regularly visits a government hospital for counselling and to collect his HIV medication. Other than that, it’s a lonely fight.

Adam’s harrowing journey took him from his blissful introduction to meth, to the shame of addiction and disease, leading to the loss of his loved ones and the near death of his daughter.

Is the temporary high worth the loss of your family and your self-respect?

The answer for Adam is no. At least for now.

But there is actually no need to go through the agony of quitting alone.

Narcotics Anonymous is an international, community-based organisation for recovering addicts. Members help each other live drug-free and recover from the effects of addiction. Its services are free. More details at http://www.namalaysia.my/.