When I was growing up and in my early years of work life, the festivals of the various communities that make up Malaysia were joyous events free of mistrust or suspicion or recriminations.

Everyone would wish each other cheerfully and we would visit each other’s houses joyfully. Muslims would express greetings to their fellow Malaysians of other faiths without a second thought, as would non-Muslims.

The situation is so different today.

Even sending festive greetings can be fraught with danger, or at least lots of anxiety and hurt.

And it’s so sad.

Non-Malays are finding it increasingly difficult to navigate through Malay sensitivities, especially when it comes to Islam. They are not sure if they should say something or do something for fear it may inadvertently land them in trouble.

And some feel hurt that some of their Malay friends are no longer extending festival greetings.

A neighbour said a few of her colleagues did not wish her Merry Christmas this year. She finds this sudden change in their attitude difficult to understand.

The fact is, some Malays have stopped wishing their fellow Malaysians Merry Christmas or Happy Deepavali or Happy Wesak; some continue sending these greetings as a sign of friendship and respect; and some others are in two minds about it.

Non-Muslims do not expect Muslims to participate in their religious rituals or functions but they do appreciate expressions of festive greetings.

However, it must be understood that extending or not extending festive greetings is the prerogative of the individual concerned.

Even Malays are finding that the landscape has changed, with many grappling with the difference of opinion over extending religious festival greetings to their non-Muslim friends and colleagues.

A Malay friend, who shared Christmas greetings on his Facebook page, received brickbats from most of the Muslims whom he had accepted as friends online.

Aziz posted this message on his Facebook account: “Merry Christmas to all my Christian friends. As you celebrate this sacred season, I wish you a Christmas filled with peace, warmth and quiet joy. Christmas speaks profoundly of love, hope, compassion and selfless giving – timeless values that rise above boundaries and beliefs and ones that draw us closer as human beings.

“May this season bring rest to weary hearts, light to uncertain paths and renewed strength for the year ahead. May your celebrations be meaningful, your gatherings warm and your days touched by grace. Merry Christmas and a New Year marked by good health and continued blessings.”

Some of those who commented told him that Muslims were forbidden from sending such greetings and that it was an issue of “Aqidah” or faith. One guy even called him “binatang” (animal).

I feel sad for Aziz, a former classmate. I know him. He is true to his religion and follows its tenets faithfully. At the same time, he respects people of other faiths.

Responding to the comments, Aziz posted a longer, well-articulated piece where he encapsulated the dilemma some Muslims face. Below are some excerpts:

“Somehow, wishing Merry Christmas seems to sit uncomfortably between personal faith and simple human courtesy. For some, it carries deep religious significance; for others, it is simply an expression of kindness and respect. Such differences are natural in a society shaped by many beliefs and lived experiences.

“To me, what has been harder to accept is not the difference of opinion itself, but the shocking way it sometimes unfolds. I have received hurtful remarks on my own post for offering a festive greeting.”

Noting that the Yang di-Pertuan Agong, sultans and national leaders openly extend Christmas wishes in the spirit of unity, Aziz said the mixed signals were confusing.

“Perhaps what we need is less noise and more grace.”

He added: “In a diverse society, harmony is sustained not by uniformity of thought but the willingness to allow space for conscience, sincerity, and quiet goodwill. If we can hold that space – gently and consistently – maybe this annual tension will one day soften into understanding.” He ended by asking: “Is this wishful thinking on my part?”

He is right about the King and national leaders extending greetings. Every year, the Yang di-Pertuan Agong and the Raja Permaisuri Agong send greetings on festival days, regardless of whether these are Muslim or non-Muslim festivals.

This is as it should be. After all, they are king and queen for all Malaysians.

On December 25, His Majesty Sultan Ibrahim and Her Majesty Raja Zarith Sofiah conveyed Christmas greetings to those celebrating it.

Emphasising the importance of Malaysia’s multicultural society, the King said: “Our diversity is the foundation of our unity, and it is through mutual respect and understanding that we continue to strengthen the ties that bind all Malaysians together.”

The Sultan of Selangor, Sultan Sharafuddin Idris Shah, and the Tengku Permaisuri of Selangor, Tengku Permaisuri Norashikin, also extended Christmas greetings. The Sultan said: “I hope that the spirit of love and mutual respect expressed through this Christmas celebration will continue to strengthen unity and harmony among the multiracial community in this country.”

In wishing Christians a Merry Christmas, Prime Minister Anwar Ibrahim called on Malaysians to reject hatred, foster empathy and nurture harmony.

Acknowledging that Malaysia has a multi-religious and multi-ethnic population, he urged the people to embrace unity, dialogue and mutual respect, adding: “Genuine unity is reflected when every citizen is respected, protected and given the space to contribute to the nation’s progress.”

Even PAS, which has often caused alarm and fear among non-Muslims with some of its actions and statements, extended Christmas greetings.

PAS secretary-general Takiyuddin Hassan said: “We might not agree on all things, but we can choose to listen, understand and uphold the rights and dignity of everyone who lives under the same Malaysian sky.

“Harmony would not be achievable through uniformity, but PAS believes that it could be enjoyed through our preparedness and sincerity in appreciating and protecting the space given to all Malaysians.”

As Aziz told me, many Muslim scholars, leaders and heads of state, particularly in diverse, multi-faith societies, “see such greetings as social courtesy, not an endorsement of belief”.

I agree with Aziz that there will always be differences of opinion in matters of religion, as well as other matters. But these should not descend into name-calling or vitriol.

I also agree with him that in a multi-religious nation, festive greetings should be seen as a social courtesy and not necessarily as an endorsement of belief.

Festive greetings are part of being Malaysian; a recognition of the diversity that is Malaysia.

The fact of the matter is that we in the peninsula are no longer living in the Malaysia of the 1960s and 1970s.

The fact of the matter is that such a Malaysia – I’m increasingly being told by Malays, Chinese and Indians – today exists only in Sarawak and Sabah.

I count myself fortunate in that I have stepped into Hindu, Buddhist, Jain and Chinese temples as well as mosques, churches and gurdwaras. I have sung Christmas carols and acted in nativity plays in the distant past, and helped serve meals in gurdwaras and temples. I have also been blessed by imams and priests.

I’d like to believe that it has made me a better human being.

The views expressed are those of the writer and do not necessarily reflect those of FMT.