NPD is a condition in which an individual outwardly presents a flawless image while hiding deep psychological issues. The presence of a narcissist can transform what should be a loving, supportive relationship into one marked by emotional strain and psychological distress.

Counsellor Faizah Mohamed Othman noted that in psychology, narcissism refers to a personality pattern centred on a sense of grandiosity or self-admiration in thought and behaviour.

She said narcissists tend to have an inflated sense of self-importance and lack of empathy for others. They often have an obsession with success, power, intelligence, beauty and romance.

“They also believe they deserve special treatment, exhibit excessive admiration, exploit others for personal gain, are envious, and display arrogant and haughty behaviour.”

Those with NPD often appear stylish and charismatic, and are eloquent to the point of influencing others. But they also have multiple personas, hold grudges, are aggressive, lie, and frequently portray themselves as victims.

Faizah stressed, however, that not all individuals who display these traits can be diagnosed with NPD; only a psychiatrist can make that determination.

She said those who are targeted by a narcissist often suffer mental and emotional pressure due to the narcissist’s tendency to create conflict, manipulate, control, and threaten others.

When victims begin to feel guilt or low self-esteem, narcissists are able to control the situation, even to the point of dictating how the victim should act. Consequently, the victim faces further devaluation, depression, loss of identity, anxiety, emotional neglect, and isolation.

“Close family members or colleagues are usually the ones who bear the brunt of this behaviour,” Faizah pointed out.

“In relationships, narcissists tend to be dishonest, neglect their responsibilities, cheat, or disappear for long periods without a valid reason. Some spend lavishly to show off but are stingy at home.

“They may also be irrationally jealous and controlling, and accuse their partners of unfounded things.”

More heartbreakingly, some narcissistic partners can be punitive, aggressive – and even abusive. Others isolate their partners from family and friends and use them only for personal gain.

Meanwhile, in the workplace, narcissists may come off as helpful but actually manipulate situations for personal gain without their colleagues realising.

They might give orders, criticise, and shame coworkers to achieve their own career goals, or spend extravagantly to expand their social circle and gain influence.

‘Positive change still possible’

Medical lecturer Dr Nurazah Ismail explained that various factors contribute to the development of NPD or its traits.

“Genetics could play a role. In individuals with NPD, neuroimaging reveals differences in the prefrontal cortex – an area crucial for regulating emotions and empathy,” she highlighted.

“Some people also develop narcissistic traits due to life experiences, such as being victims of bullying. They construct a self-image of greatness to mask their hidden shame and low self-esteem.”

She noted that in divorce cases, it is seldom examined whether narcissistic traits in one partner could be the root cause of the breakdown in marriage.

Generally, individuals are unaware they are narcissistic and often believe their behaviour is normal. This is because many are raised in environments that reinforce such traits, resulting in low levels of self-awareness.

“They often refuse to accept blame and instead project it onto others as a self-defence mechanism,” Nurazah said, adding that one of the main challenges in treating NPD is the individual’s unwillingness to acknowledge their flaws.

“If they are open to receiving help, the primary treatment is psychotherapy. The focus is on building empathy, enhancing self-awareness, and learning emotional regulation strategies.”

Nurazah stressed that although NPD is a long-term personality disorder, positive change is still possible with consistent commitment and support.

“Those with NPD or related traits can learn to improve their behaviour, build healthier relationships, and ultimately reduce the negative impact on those around them,” she concluded.