Statistics paint a worrying picture, with data from 2023 showing that around one million Malaysians aged 16 and above suffered from depression alone – more than double the figure in 2019.

Indeed, the state of mental health among Malaysians is concerning, compounded by traditional mindsets about men’s roles in society, how they should behave, and what is considered acceptable.

“In many instances, women are more likely to acknowledge and share their feelings with friends. However, men are expected to be strong, stoic and unemotional,” said clinical psychologist Serena In.

These expectations are internalised and often reinforced through praise, with boys and young men being raised to believe it is “weak” to show emotions or ask for help. They may even be criticised or ridiculed for doing so.

“As a result, they often feel ashamed when they don’t live up to their own or others’ expectations,” In went on. “When men feel such pressure, it is known as masculine discrepancy stress, which adds to their mental-emotional strain.”

Then there’s the additional burden of dealing with life’s daily challenges, such as responsibilities at work and home. Men are often the primary breadwinner of a family, and financial difficulties can contribute to stress and feelings of inadequacy.

This can be amplified by social media, which often presents idealised, unrealistic lifestyles.

Collectively, these elements can be overwhelming for anyone, but have a greater impact on men who are vulnerable to negativity, criticism, peer pressure and social expectations.

In many instances, mental health issues take time to develop, and this gradual progression may be easily overlooked. Inner struggles are often concealed behind carefully practised behaviour.

But when warning signs manifest, behavioural and emotional changes can be seen in both men and women – especially men – including but not limited to:

• increased irritability or agitation, anger and aggression, such as episodes of road rage or having a “short fuse”;
• being controlling and verbally/physically abusive;
• risk-taking or escapist behaviour, which refers to activities that distract from having to deal with one’s feelings;
• self-medicating, such as the use of alcohol or drugs, or indulging in larger amounts of substances;
• addictive or compulsive behaviour such as gambling;
• behaviour such as reckless driving, engaging in high-risk sports, and excessive sexually driven activity;
• obsessive behaviour e.g. being overly consumed by a single activity such as work, gaming, or exercise to the point of excluding other aspects of daily life.

Family, friends and colleagues who observe such changes can offer support, both directly and indirectly. In suggests:

• Listening carefully: It can be difficult for men to acknowledge their emotions and verbalise how they feel. To describe anxiety, depression or sadness, they may use words or phrases like “I’m feeling low”, “I’m always tired or numb”, or “I’m not in the mood”.
• Being present: Spend time with them so they can confide in you when they are ready. Some men prefer activities, so an invitation to go for a drink or play a sport may be better received than simply inviting them to chat.
• Offering support: Many people are reluctant to seek help, and men, generally, might require more encouragement to do so. Help them by booking or driving them to appointments, or suggesting virtual options if face-to-face sessions are too overwhelming.

Ultimately, anyone – not just men – can struggle with mental health. It is important for our emotions to be acknowledged and processed in a healthy way, and for us to have appropriate outlets such as talking to someone we trust, as well as ensuring we get adequate exercise and rest.

In addition, In urges men to think of mental health in the same way as physical health. “You need to take care of the mind as well as the body. Just as you see a doctor when you feel physically unwell, see a counsellor or therapist if you feel mentally or emotionally troubled,” she advised.