To shed light on the inner workings of our ambitions, a research team led by Edith Cowan University professor Joanne M Dickson interviewed nearly 200 participants from Australia and Singapore. They all named their two major personal goals, and then explained their reasons for pursuing them.

These motivations were classified into four categories:

• personal and autonomous (when the goal echoes one’s personal values);
• relational and autonomous (linked to social ties);
• personal but constrained (dictated by fear of failure or punishment); and
• relational but constrained (subject to the expectations of others).

The researchers noted that people who pursue goals in line with their deepest values or relationships are more fulfilled. Conversely, those who are driven by fear or external pressure experience lower wellbeing.

“When people feel they ‘have to do’ something rather than genuinely and freely wanting to pursue a personal goal, it can take a toll on their mental health,” said Dickson.

The study also reveals cultural nuances. For Singaporeans, pursuing a meaningful goal is clearly linked to wellbeing – a connection not so clear-cut among Australians. This distinction gives pause for thought on the preconceived ideas we may have about cultures, notably the opposition between the individualism assumed in western countries and the collectivism attributed to Asian cultures.

These discoveries are part of the theory of self-determination, a central concept in psychology. Self-determination refers to the ability to make autonomous choices, free from external pressure: the more self-determined our actions, the freer and more in control we feel. When a goal is born of intrinsic motivation, it is more likely to satisfy us and lead us to success.

This research also highlights an important point: social pressure and feelings of guilt have harmful effects on wellbeing, regardless of cultural context. In other words, trying to live up to other people’s expectations or being afraid of disappointing them takes its toll on mental health.

It’s a mechanism that can be found almost everywhere in the world: pressure and guilt rarely go hand in hand with wellbeing.

To improve our quality of life, it’s best to start by sounding out our true motivations. Identifying what makes us tick, and what helps us feel more connected to others, enables us to distinguish sincere aspirations from the silent pressure on which we sometimes act without realising.

By clarifying our motivations, we have the opportunity to transform our relationship with success. Perhaps the key to true fulfilment is simply acting in accordance with who we really are and what we really want.