It’s often assumed that being in a couple means living under the same roof. In recent years, however, there has been a growing trend towards “living apart together”. This type of relationship is particularly popular among people in their 60s, according to a study recently published in the Journal of Gerontology Series B: Social Sciences.

Researchers at Lancaster University and University College London studied the rise of “living apart together” and found that 4% of over-60s in the UK choose not to live under the same roof as their partner, a figure similar to that observed in the US, Netherlands and Canada.

The popularity of this relationship model among senior citizens may come as a surprise, given that young couples are more likely to be associated with living apart than older folks. Yet, living apart from one’s other half can be beneficial to the psychological wellbeing of people over 60: researchers have found that these couples are in much better spirits than singles of the same age.

Indeed, their level of wellbeing is similar to that of married or cohabiting couples.

In other words, it’s perfectly possible to have a fulfilling relationship without living under the same roof, with all the advantages of being a couple. Gone are the days of routine and arguments over everyday worries. Proponents of “living apart together” claim that this setup allows them to share only the good times, making it easier to keep the spark alive.

Nevertheless, living under separate roofs requires a certain degree of material flexibility – housing, utilities, commuting, etc – and, therefore, a certain level of financial comfort. Living together often saves money, especially in big cities.

Rethinking relationships

So why do so many seniors choose this lifestyle? To preserve their relationship, while remaining masters of their own independence: according to the researchers, non-cohabitation offers a more balanced alternative to the traditional model. This appeals particularly to women over 60.

Another major advantage is that break-ups are less stressful for non-cohabiting spouses or partners, thanks in particular to the absence of complex administrative procedures (moving house, division of property, and so on).

This research invites us to rethink our approach to love and commitment at a time when marital norms are increasingly being called into question. “When we think about intimate partnerships, we often focus on couples who live under the same roof. But our study draws attention to the complex life circumstances in older age and the importance of intimate relationships that stretch across households,” said UCL associate professor Rory Coulter.

The “living apart together” model ultimately raises an essential question: what if, instead of trying to adapt to pre-existing frameworks, people could reinvent relationships according to their own needs?

Some are already doing so. For example, British actress Miriam Margolyes and her partner Heather Sutherland lived in their own homes for five decades, without separating – proof that a couple doesn’t necessarily have to be under the same roof to stand the test of time.