Have you heard of the “captain method”? Described by a social media user from the United States it aims to distribute the responsibilities within a relationship according to each person’s skills to reduce conflicts and disputes.
TikTokker Cassidy Skelton talks about this approach that seems to be proving its worth for reducing arguments and lightening the mental load in her relationship. In a video with some 1.4 million views, she says: “We do this thing called the ‘captain’, where every area of our life has a captain, and if you’re the captain of that area, you get to make the call and the other person has to follow and listen.”
To put this into action, each partner has to determine the areas in which they excel, be it housework, cooking, shopping or booking vacations. They then become the “captain” of that field, the one who makes the decisions.
For instance, Skelton’s fiancé manages their apartment, while she pays the rent: “Nick is the captain for being the head tenant: he talks to the landlord and organises all that stuff as he’s better at communication. But I’m the captain of our money, so I pay the rent as I’m better at finances.”
This goal is to balance responsibilities within the relationship, where only one person has to think at a time, while the other listens and responds to requests. Together, the partners assign each other areas in which they are most comfortable, to avoid any conflict or contradiction.
According to Paul Brunson, relationships expert at Tinder, the approach is a great way to reduce the number of arguments between a couple. “Relationship captains help people take control of what they’re good at and ultimately show their love and support for their partner,” he told Metro UK.
“We all run busy lives, so having a more defined role in your pairing – whether that’s leading on things such as housework, planning date nights or managing household finances – can massively help relieve some of life’s stresses and naturally reduce arguments.”
Nevertheless, it’s crucial to have an initial discussion before deciding who does what, so that the partner who carries the mental load doesn’t end up feeling frustrated, while the other person feels sidelined.