Nevertheless, the fact remains that there are those lucky few who have found true love on such apps – whether through providence, pure luck, or intuitive algorithms.
In conjunction with Valentine’s Day on Monday, FMT speaks with three Malaysians to find out their online-dating success stories.
Suzie and Simon
It was December. Apart from having to deal with probing questions from relatives over Christmas regarding her relationship status, Suzie (not her real name) didn’t have anyone to bring to her own birthday party later that month.
“All my friends were coming with their partners, so I decided to go on Tinder to cast my net wider,” she tells FMT.
The 36-year-old dentist was at a low point in her life, especially since her previous eight-year relationship had come to an end.
“I kind of surrendered to God – as long as I was being safe, what was the worst that could happen?”
Suzie’s life took a surprising turn when she matched with Simon (not his real name). “We hit it off immediately. We both knew what we wanted and asked all the important questions.
“We didn’t play games and didn’t hold back as he was leaving for Australia for work in a week,” she recalls, adding that they met each other’s family within the next few days.
After a 10-month long-distance relationship, Simon decided to return to Malaysia for good. About three months later, he proposed.
“We got married in Bali in April 2017, bought a house the next year and, in 2020, had our son who is now 17 months old.”
Looking back, Suzie says she never dismissed the idea of finding a life partner through Tinder.
“There are always unsavoury characters out there,” she says, “but having said that, don’t be afraid to explore. Be safe and smart about things, and always be honest to yourself and to each other.”
Katijah and Rizal
Katijah (not her real name) was always so busy with work that she never had time to meet anyone. She finally caved and gave dating apps a try after her close friend coaxed her into it.
“I’m very conventional when it comes to dating; I never thought it would work,” says the 34-year-old teacher.
She initially gave Tinder a shot but wasn’t a fan as her goal was to settle down.
“I wanted to find someone who was on the same page. That was when I discovered ‘halal speed dating’, which is like regular speed dating but with the aim of finding a spouse.”
She moved on to Muslim digital matchmaking platforms Tilljannah and Baituljannah, and particularly liked the fact that there are moderators who monitor the chats.
“It’s nice that everyone on these sites have the same goals. You can go straight to the important questions,” she explains.
However, her initial experiences weren’t encouraging. “The conversations I had were mostly awkward and cliched, and some even made me feel rather uncomfortable.”
After about a year on Baituljannah, she met Rizal (not his real name) in November 2020. The couple hit it off and, in June last year, got married.
For those who are thinking of using dating apps, Katijah says to give them a try but warns there are no guarantees.
“You’re bound to meet people who are incompatible, but you just have to sort through them and be patient,” she says.
Pavan and Shiviti
Pavan (not his real name) decided to give Tinder a try shortly after it became available in Malaysia.
“Sometimes, you have great conversations with people via text only to discover you both have no chemistry upon meeting up in person,” he reflects.
The 34-year-old also observed that users were dating several other people simultaneously.
“It gets to a point where it feels like it is speed dating, except it’s not that speedy,” he quips.
Although he has been “ghosted” a few times, which happens when someone cuts off all communication without explanation, he says he’s had a rather “neutral” experience overall.
“I never had any expectations – if it ends, it ends. The app did allow me to meet new people, which was impossible at the time as I had no social life, outside of going to the bar with the guys.”
As it turns out, the third time was the charm for Pavan: he ended up marrying Shiviti (not her real name), his third date via the app.
“We just clicked. We ended up having deep and meaningful conversations and, five years later, we tied the knot,” he shares.
Despite his success story, Pavan agrees one should always be safe when meeting strangers, and says there’s no harm in getting someone else to tag along on a date.
“If you think it’s too good to be true, it probably is,” he cautions. “That said, don’t forget to have fun. Dating apps may be impersonal, but it does take away the skittishness when meeting somebody new.
“Since we’re always on our phones anyway, what could be easier than to just date using them?”