The silent cruelty of emotional neglect and withdrawal can leave deep psychological wounds. Sadly, victims may not even recognise they are being abused until the damage is done.
Cold violence is far more common than many realise. Psychiatrist and lecturer Dr Rozanizam Zakaria describes it as a form of emotional abuse where one partner deliberately withdraws all forms of communication or support – verbal, physical and financial.
The intent, he explained, is to punish, control, or force the other partner into compliance.
“Cold violence is essentially a tactic of emotional abuse in relationships. It relies on strategic emotional withdrawal to punish or restrict another person’s freedom,” he said.
Unlike physical abuse, which can be seen and documented, cold violence is difficult to detect and even harder to prove. This gives perpetrators greater leeway to deny wrongdoing.
Victims, meanwhile, are often left feeling invisible, stripped of self worth, and trapped in severe emotional distress.
Rozanizam noted that some cultural or legal systems may not even recognise such behaviour as abuse, depriving victims of protection or official support.
“The combination of invisibility, denial, and lack of recognition makes cold violence a cunning, hidden, and dangerous form of abuse that is very difficult to identify and address,” he said.
Many people may confuse cold violence with the silent treatment, but the differences are stark. Cold violence, he noted, is broader and more prolonged, marked by complete withdrawal from emotional connection and communication throughout a relationship.
Silent treatment, meanwhile, often focuses on withholding verbal or social interaction. While it can be a tactic of emotional abuse, it varies in intent and severity. Used abusively, both share the same goal – to control and cause harm.
Patterns show that cold violence is often used by individuals – both men and women – seeking to maintain control, or reacting to perceived threats to their power or status in a relationship.
“In some cultures, it tends to occur more frequently among men. Perpetrators are usually driven by poor emotional regulation, difficulties in communication, unresolved anger, jealousy, or even a desire for revenge,” Rozanizam said.
“Those who feel threatened by a partner’s behaviour, or who are naturally controlling and possessive, are especially likely to resort to it. But these individuals may not fully recognise or admit that their behaviour amounts to cold violence.”
Research, he added, shows that cold violence often thrives on what is known as “plausible deniability”.
“Because it leaves no physical evidence and involves emotional withdrawal rather than outright aggression, perpetrators can easily deny wrongdoing, claiming they ‘didn’t do’ anything harmful.”
In the short term, victims often experience confusion and self-doubt, questioning their own memory, perceptions and feelings – so much so that they struggle to trust themselves.
In the long run, consequences can be far more severe. Victims may develop major depressive disorder, generalised anxiety disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, chronically low self esteem, and/or a persistent sense of helplessness.
“Prolonged exposure could even lead to other psychiatric symptoms. Victims face increased risks of suicidal thoughts, self-harm, and substance abuse,” Rozanizam said.
For victims, the first step towards protection is recognising that the abuse is not their fault. Setting clear boundaries with the perpetrator is crucial.
“It’s crucial for victims to seek support from friends and family so they do not feel alone. Taking care of oneself through enjoyable activities and seeking professional help can also aid the healing process.”
Rozanizam pointed out that perpetrators, too, can change – but only through proven therapies such as cognitive behavioural or couple’s therapy.
“The key condition, however, is that both partners must be willing to cooperate in the therapeutic process,” he added.
Check back in for part two of this article tomorrow, which discusses legal protections in cases of cold violence.