I have been so busy watching the madness going on around the world I forgot about our own Malaysian madness. On that score, things haven’t improved, although to be fair, looking at what’s happening in the world, things haven’t got much worse either.

One such madness is the current national issue regarding the teenage schoolgirl in Sabah who died under questionable circumstances. Public pressure forced further investigations, which at this stage points to her being a victim of bullying.

One death due to bullying is one death too many, and it must be beyond heartbreaking for the people who are actually suffering the loss brought by such deaths.

What can I add to the discourse about bullying? A little bit. I’ve seen situations where people get bullied, in some cases horribly so, though none that left someone killed or drove anybody to death.

I attended a residential secondary school. Bullying was quite common, almost a fact of life even. To be fair, most of it was mild, merely some testosterone-filled teenagers’ idea of territory and membership and initiation.

These acts didn’t leave any lifelong scars whether physical or psychological on the bullied.

But not all bullying is like that. I knew of some that bordered on assault in all its various forms, acts that actually broke criminal laws and would have merited arrest and prosecution had they happened outside of the school.

When bullying was ‘normal’

These were nothing less than sadistic psychopathic behaviours. Mental health wasn’t much of a thing in those days. You were either “normal”, or “mad” and if the latter, you belonged in the nearby Tanjung Rambutan psychiatric hospital.

A lot of horrid bullying acts were passed off as “normal”. Luckily for me, I escaped much of the bullying. I wasn’t special or outstanding enough by the standards of the teenage boarding school boys of those days.

That was certainly a blessing. However, not being special or outstanding also meant I never got to bully anybody else, which was another blessing. My life in secondary school passed by rather uneventfully.

But on looking back, I’m horrified and ashamed about what we accepted as “normal”. Even if nobody died, some events were horrific and brutal and absolutely abnormal and in some instances downright criminal.

We are in agreement that bullying of this nature is bad. What should we do then?

First, roll out that old and tired phrase – zero tolerance – and show some spine in enforcing it.

Bullying, especially in educational institutions, shouldn’t be a “normal” thing. It should be a red line that warrants strong punishment, including expulsion and even criminal prosecution if warranted.

Next, we now have counsellors trained to deal with mental health issues that affect many members of society including students and teachers. We must use these resources to spot them and intervene before things blow up.

Make parents accountable

The sad reality is many of those who bully and assault others are themselves victims of bullying and assaults, including by their own parents or guardians.

Hurt people hurt people as the saying goes. It’s often a vicious cycle.

In cases where children are away from their family, we should get parents to sign bonds that make them accountable for their children’s bullying behaviour.

Most school bullies are still minors, so somebody else must also be held accountable. Parents and guardians can’t just be let off that easily.

I’d argue that the real purpose of such bonds is to bring up the seriousness of bullying to these parents and guardians. Most are good people but who may not know about bullying or consider it harmful.

Making them sign legal papers would bring this matter up higher in their mind.

Victims of power game

Bullies have some power advantages – in age, physical size, authority and perhaps even expectations and encouragement, whether subtly or openly, by the local power structure and even society at large.

Those in the military institutions for example are often expected to “toughen people up” while “taking it like a man” themselves, even if both can lead to misery or even death.

This problem tends to be worse in our society which in many respects still functions like a feudal society. Power and authority and privileges often go unquestioned, even if there are now statutes and codes that clearly define modern-day rights and accountabilities.

Hence some of the worst offenders are those vested with formal authority. Unfortunately, those with such powers – teachers, administrators, commanding officers – often abuse their authority by shielding themselves or others from accountability.

If we assume, and I think it’s a fair assumption, that most institutions would try to hide instances of bullying, especially the more egregious ones that lead to injury or even death, it’s then up to us the public to always push for transparency and accountability.

We shouldn’t expect those in power to hold themselves accountable.

Religious schools

Sadly, one area where bullying is common and often overlooked or excused away is that of Islamic religious schools, as in the current tragic case. We’ve seen many instances of horrific bullying there, and I’ve absolutely no doubt the reality is much worse than what we know.

What makes bullying in such institutions worse is so many factors come into play simultaneously.

One is age: many of those in religious school hostels are younger than those in secondary or military schools and institutions. They are less able to ask for help or expose their suffering.

Another is that many religious teachers and administrators aren’t trained or vetted properly before being put in charge of young children.

Religious schools and hostels don’t have the oversight that other institutions have, even if one can argue there isn’t much oversight anywhere else either.

Cultural attitude

Yet another factor is that of culture. In the old days, in the villages of uneducated kampung folk, young children were handed over to religious teachers, whether in hostels or not, with parents saying “do anything you need to educate them, short of breaking any bones!”

A lot of things may not break bones but may break your spirit, or even destroy your life. One almost sure thing is that the cycle of violence will continue, through a new generation of hurt and abused people who will later on go to hurt and abuse others.

Many parents feel they’re not qualified enough to challenge the hierarchy and power structure of the religious institutions and bureaucracy. This is often coupled with the desire not to tarnish the institutions which are supposed to be cornerstones of their faith.

This is of course not unique to Malaysia’s religious schools. Wherever young children are entrusted into the care of powerful institutions, especially religious ones, bad things tend to happen. Witness the never-ending reports of abuses of young people in Catholic institutions all over the world.

Abdicating responsibility

I’m not a fan of sending young, often prepubescent or preadolescent children, away from their parents to a strange and potentially hostile environment such as school hostels.

There could be exceptions – those with special needs for example – but otherwise they shouldn’t be there until their late teens at the very least.

A big problem with religious schools is that parents often justify their abdication of their responsibilities by saying they’re doing the right thing in putting the children in the care of powerful and authoritative religious figures or institutions.

This belief often leaves them blind to, or at the very least reluctant to call out, any potential dangers to their children from that environment.

That’s how many bad things happen. While we can never totally eradicate it, we can make it to be an absolute rarity, one that any time it happens will cause scandals and bring down the guilty and result in far-reaching changes to improve things in light of whatever new things we’ve learnt.

We cannot just sit back and see yet another life damaged, or destroyed, and say “that’s part of life”. Or worse, that “God wills it”.

The views expressed are those of the writer and do not necessarily reflect those of FMT.