Cristiano Ronaldo (Manchester United… still)

We’d be watching him anyway, of course, but this time we’ll be checking his pulse, his Instagram, his goals, his expected goals and his expected departure.

It seems he may still hold the key to United’s season. Having boxed himself into a corner by leaving it too late to find another club, he may have to admit defeat and knuckle down.

He could still play in the knock-out stages of the Champions League if he persuades one of the 16 survivors to take him. To do that, he’ll have to be fit and firing.

But he’d still miss the easy pickings in the group stages. If that’s his only option, it’s not necessarily bad news for United as he knows no one will want him if he just pouts from the bench.

We’re about to find out whether the model pro can contain the inner prima donna that’s bursting to get out.

Fabio Carvalho (Liverpool)

Just like Julian Alvarez at City, his arrival coincided with a grander entrance – Darwin Nunez in this case – but at £5m he could also be better value than the Uruguayan.

Another steal from Fulham – they didn’t change their locks after losing Harvey Elliott – he can play on the wing or as a striker, but looks a natural No.10. (The fees for both were set by tribunal).

Judging by the minutes he’s played pre-season, Klopp likes him and he may feature more than expected. Pure class on the ball, he’s also got goals in him. A versatile and valuable addition to the Reds’ arsenal.

Born in Lisbon, raised in London, he played for England youth teams but at U21 level, opted for Portugal. Fulham and England already know what they’re missing.

Gabriel Jesus (Arsenal)

A familiar face but already there’s a born-again look about the ex-Man City striker. After seven goals in five warm-up games, he’s hungry for more and may make Pep regret letting him go for £45m.

Mikel Arteta certainly knew what he was getting after working with the Brazilian at the Etihad. With 58 goals in 159 games for the Blues, he’s one of the Premier League’s leading scorers.

We forget he was a sensation when he arrived with a wonderboy tag five years ago, but was never the same after two serious injuries – until now.

Tired of being mucked about, in and out, on the wing, in the centre, he was just bursting to get a regular run in a side which he’s now been promised. If he carries on as he started for the Gunners, top four could be within their sights.

Julian Alvarez (Manchester City)

Real Madrid wanted him when he was 11. No one could get the ball off him and he seemed to have more than two legs so they called him “Little Spider”. Precocious?

He makes Messi look like a late developer. First spotted at two (!), at three and a half he joined a club. One of the best talents to emerge from South America since the little genius, now 22, he’s known simply as “The Spider”.

After starring with River Plate, he couldn’t resist when City came calling. His arrival has been under the Haaland radar but he’s more a Pep player than the Norwegian.

Already hailed as “the new Aguero”, he can play as a No 9 or a No 10. At £14m, he’s Pep’s insurance policy if the giant Viking takes time to deliver.

Jesse Lingard (Nottingham Forest)

Widely suspected as being one of United’s dressing room moles, the sometime England forward was expected to join West Ham on a permanent deal.

He’d played some of the best football of his career there on loan during the 2020-21 season. But newly-promoted Forest gazumped the Hammers and, he said, “showed him more love.”

On-loan Dean Henderson also helped convince Lingard that Forest boss Steve Cooper was “top drawer” and “the club had a really good set-up.”

So, he became the former European champions’ most eye-catching signing of the dozen they have made so far. To incur the wrath of one club’s fans may be unfortunate but two might be carelessness.

West Ham fans have promised to greet him by throwing fake pound notes onto the pitch when they visit Nottingham next week.

But if getting into England’s World Cup squad proves the incentive to help Forest stay up, he’ll have one set of fans very much on his side.

Frank Lampard (Everton manager still…)

Nope, he’s not making a comeback but he’s everyone’s favourite for the Sack Race. To be fair, this is more to do with Everton than the man himself.

The Toffees have had four bosses in three years and are arguably the worst-run club in the top flight. Security of tenure is not why he went there.

Still cutting his teeth in the dugout, the Chelsea legend feels he was prematurely sacked at his beloved Stamford Bridge. But that was by Roman Abramovich so it was almost a badge of honour.

He did okay at Derby and saved Everton from the drop so he deserves a chance. He whipped up the crowd at the end of last season and will need them to stay on his side.

But having lost his best player, Richarlison, and with Dominic Calvert-Lewin injured again, no one knows where the goals will come from.

There are still three weeks of the transfer window left and Everton must buy. So far only defender James Tarkowsky – an astute addition – has come in.

He needs more or he might win that dubious honour. Leading challengers are Jesse Marsch (Leeds) and Ralph Hasenhuttl (Southampton).

The views expressed are those of the writer and do not necessarily reflect those of FMT.