By Maryam Lee

Dear friends,

I never thought I would be here again, but here I am.

There was a time when I was growing up that I was warned to stay in the safety of the private space.

“Of course you are encouraged to have opinions. But remember that you are a girl, anybody seeing you or your photo in public could just take that photo and superimpose it for ill intentions.”

I was 12.

When I started using social media at the age of 13, an elder family member saw me posting a picture of myself for my social media profile.

I received a slap on the face. I was yelled at: “Don’t you know what people can do with a photo like that?!” It was for Friendster, a picture of a 13-year-old me, with the hijab, fully covered.

I never took heed of all those threats as a child. I was not going to allow myself to be invisible. I should not have to. I deserved to be heard AND seen. Any woman deserves to be heard and seen without fear.

So yes, it is very shocking to see all the warnings coming true over a political disagreement. The warnings were all dead wrong, of course, for putting the responsibility to end abuse on women, instead of internet a******s.

But it is still shocking, and heartbreaking, to actually see it all happening to you with your own eyes.

Worse still, this violence and abuse is coming from the very pact which calls itself different from its political enemies. Pakatan Harapan supporters who call themselves different from Barisan Nasional.

PH leaders are still silent, mum, not taking responsibility over this unruly behaviour, as their intellectuals and spokespersons keep refusing to address core issues raised by the #UndiRosak campaign. They knowingly continue the mockery, insults and scare tactics. I hold them accountable, because they are not leading the path to mature politics by example, at least not willing to do it hard enough, since doing that would mean some serious self-reflection.

In the past two weeks, #UndiRosak has uncovered many sides of PH that are so similar to BN, from the top to the bottom, hence the existence of such a campaign against them in the first place.

Please spare me the reminders of all PH’s past campaigns against toxic politics, principles of justice and fighting for the underdogs. I already know them, I was directly involved in a lot of them, which is why all this is that much more heartbreaking and difficult to take.

I have nothing left to say. Battling the final withdrawal of myself from public space alone is hard enough. Every hurt emotion is telling me that I should, so it takes every ounce of strength in me right now just to keep staying. Women are already under-represented enough. Women who say things that are different, even more so.

In times of great distress such as this, I pray to God to give strength to Aishah Tajuddin, a victim of such severe online abuse that she has left the public space entirely since 2015; to give strength to young girls everywhere who are constantly told to never be visible; to give strength to me.

Maryam Lee is a social activist.

The views expressed are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of FMT.