Speaking to FMT, Voice of Children head Sharmila Sekaran said ignoring these signs or showing the slightest doubt that a child was speaking the truth about being abused could cause the child to abandon any effort at trying to seek help.
She was commenting on a news report quoting Women, Family and Community Development Minister Rohani Abdul Karim as saying that 61% of the 12,926 sexual crime cases reported over the past three years involved children.
Sharmila said: “Many of us have bought into the idea that children make up stories. So the moment a child brings up the fact that he or she is being sexually abused, we will ask, ‘Are you sure?’ The moment you ask that, there’s a high chance the child will close up and not say it again.
“You have to remember that children generally want to please. So if they think there is something that is going to upset the parents, they will not bring it up.”
She said there had been numerous cases where complaints were made only after the children had apparently been abused for a period of time.
She spoke of several reasons that parents and guardians would have for ignoring signs of child abuse.
“More often than not, a child is sexually violated by someone known to him or her, not a stranger. It could be a relative, a neighbour, a parent or someone in the school.
“Very often we judge a situation from our own eyes and if people are not aware of the high number of children being sexually violated in the country, then the first issue is that we might not believe it.
“Also, you have to imagine, for example, that for a mother and wife to think that you married someone you love so much and that this person is sexually abusing your child, it’s very hard to accept emotionally.
“And then, there is also a practical problem. You now have to leave your husband and that would mean a smaller household income. The entire family dynamics has to change and it’s even worse if the father who is abusing the child is the sole bread winner.”
She said a case would not be easier to handle if the abuse was occurring in a care centre.
“You have to find a new care centre practically overnight and, even when you do, how do you know you can trust the new place? If you can’t find a place you can trust, then you have to be a stay-at-home parent and take care of the child and that means you have to lose your job and income.”
Sharmila said changes in behaviour were often the strongest indicators that something bad was happening to a child.
“Children who are normally open become withdrawn. Children who are quiet become more aggressive. They don’t like being with certain people. For example, you may find that the child is reluctant to kiss his or her grandfather, even with your coaxing. You have to tell the child that if he or she doesn’t want to kiss the grandfather, it’s okay. But go home and talk about it.”
According to her, it is best not to react immediately when a child tells a parent or guardian that he or she is being sexually abused.
“Play it subtly,” she said. “We’ve come across slightly older children who say they didn’t tell their parents because the parents would overreact. They have a problem and they want it resolved but they don’t want you to overreact.
“Coax the child into telling you a little more and a little more. Respond appropriately and find an immediate solution. The first thing would be to make sure the child is in a safe environment. If the abuse is taking place at home, then get the child to spend the night at a relative’s or close friend’s house.”