Life changes significantly once you become a parent. Along with loving your child comes the worry and concern about their health, welfare, and future.

While it’s normal to be anxious, there may come a point where this grows into something more debilitating than it is helpful. This is when your anxiety becomes a disorder.

So, what can you do? Here are some things to look out for and steps to take to address your anxiety as a parent.

Symptoms

These vary depending on the individual, but most people experience marked physical, mental or emotional symptoms.

Physical symptoms include increased heart rate, racing mind, trembling or shivers, loss of appetite, digestive problems, difficulty sleeping, breathlessness, exhaustion, and feeling unwell.

Mental and emotional symptoms include having intrusive or scary thoughts, feeling unsafe for yourself and/or your children, difficulty concentrating, feeling panicked, avoiding people, being easily irritated, crying, and feeling overwhelmed.

If you find yourself experiencing a combination of these symptoms for more than two weeks, it’s time to get help.

While many people hesitate to take this step out of fear or shame, it’s important to realise that seeking help does not make you weak, but wise. After all, you cannot give what you do not have.

So, to be better parents, make sure to look after your own needs. Start by informing your family doctor and asking for advice. If you need someone to talk to, you could utilise a hotline like the Befrienders.

A great step would be to book a session with a counsellor. Look for private providers through a simple Google search, while groups such as the Malaysian Mental Health Association have plenty of resources.

Alternatively, turn to your local religious organisations as some may provide community counselling services at affordable rates or even gratis.

Develop a support system

It’s important to set up a support system for yourself. Identify three to five people you can contact anytime you are struggling. Let them know what you are going through and ask if they can help.

It can also be useful to provide them with strategies they could employ to help you feel better. For example, if you respond well to words of reassurance, let your support system know that this is how they can help during difficult times.

Strategies for managing anxiety

1. Prioritise physical and mental needs

Parents tend to forget their own physical and mental needs. Ask yourself if you’ve been getting enough sleep and eating well. Have you had time to do something you enjoy? Have you been getting enough exercise?

Start with just one or two things like doing some mild physical activity or getting a family member to help with the kids so you can have a night of uninterrupted sleep. It takes a village.

2. Practise mindfulness

Being mindful is about being present in the moment and understanding why you feel the way you do, and how to respond. There are many web resources and applications you can download to help you with this; find the ones that work best for you.

3. Discover mantras to live by

You might find it useful to devise mantras that can help you in the thick of anxiety. Phrases such as “I am safe and I am loved”, or “my anxiety doesn’t define me” can help you feel better; also “this too shall pass”, “my best is enough”, or “I am not alone”.

For those who are spiritual, meditating on lines from a book of your choice or religious scripture can offer comfort and strength.

4. Express and connect

It can be cathartic to express your feelings, either in words or through different forms of art. Try journalling to track how you are feeling, or read stories from others who live with anxiety.

Going back to your support system, it’s also crucial to connect with friends. Sharing your troubles and exchanging notes can remind you that if others can overcome challenges, you can, too.

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This article was written by Kristy Tan for makchic, a Malaysian-based online site for chic, curious, and spirited parents. makchic has been providing trustworthy and authentic family-related content since 2013. For diverse stories of parenthood that inform, support, and uplift all families, visit makchic.com and follow them on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter.