“Respect your elders.” Many Malaysians would have grown up with this as a principal family motto. As with most Asian countries, respect is a virtue deeply ingrained in Malaysian culture.

In the past, it may have been a dutiful obligation, often accompanied by a less-than-healthy dose of fear; but, in today’s day and age, children should be encouraged to cherish and connect with their senior family members simply because they want to.

Here are some healthy ways to teach your kids to love and respect their grandparents.

1. Be a role model

The importance of parents as role models cannot be overemphasised. Kids are hardwired to imitate the adults around them and learn by example.

So, start walking the talk. Speak gently to Grandma – even when the nagging starts – and always consider Grandpa’s perspectives. Inspire your kids by demonstrating consideration and compassion in your interactions with the elders.

Buy them their favourite noodles from the local stall, resolve disagreements amicably, and treat your loved ones with the kindness and respect they deserve. Remember: those little eyes are watching your every move.

2. Provide opportunities

It’s lovely to hear children saying “I love you” to their grandparents. Take it a step further and create opportunities for them to put these words into action.

Simple gestures go a long way. Ask your child to hold the door open for elders, even when you could easily do so yourself. The more they engage in such respectful behaviour, the more natural it will become.

For those whose grandparents fulfill a caregiving role, remember to also allow for some fun activity time. Get Ah Kong and Ah Mah to bond with their grandchildren over a gardening project, or let them go out together on a day trip.

After all, it’s easier to foster a culture of love and respect with someone with whom you’ve shared positive experiences.

3. Uphold traditions and stories

Keep those grandfather stories coming! Family stories have a way of building a sense of identity through time and creating a sense of unity.

What better way than to hear these stories straight from the horse’s mouth, so to speak? Listening to Atuk tell of how he worked hard and persevered to raise his family would even inspire awe in the young ones.

Keep family traditions alive, too – many Malaysian traditions are steeped in respect. Remind kids to serve food to their grandparents during mealtimes and address them properly and respectfully. Get Nenek to teach the kids her traditional recipes with secret ingredients.

Sit down as a family to enjoy that dish cooked with love and sprinkled with heartwarming stories.

4. Be flexible

It’s inevitable for disagreements in parenting styles to arise. Instead of overriding the seniors and undermining their authority, resolve conflicts through discussion and compromise.

Try to keep an open mind; grandparents can offer a wealth of support, wisdom, and guidance. They have done it before, successfully, so give their approach a chance.

Also, when children see grownups resolving conflicts with their parents amicably, they get the message that everyone is to be treated with respect.

5. Keep them close

In the past, extended families often lived together under one roof, forging close ties between family members. Today, many families often live kilometres or even oceans apart from their elders.

Make a conscious effort to build and maintain the relationship between your kids and their grandparents. Whenever possible, make physical visits a regular part of your routine. If not, turn to technology – the pandemic has certainly provided families with lots of practice in staying connected virtually.

Children, especially the older ones, might feel that their grandparents are from a completely different planet. But there are many ways to bridge the generation gap.

Build that sense of connection by reminding your children their grandparents were once kids, too, just like them. Encourage the sharing of funny childhood stories, and pull out those old photo albums.

Love is built on positive connected relationships, and respect is best built on love!

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This article was written by Elaine Yeoh for makchic, a Malaysian-based online site for chic, curious, and spirited parents. makchic and has been providing trustworthy and authentic family-related content since 2013. For diverse stories of parenthood that inform, support, and uplift all families, visit makchic.com and follow them on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter.