Leia always had trouble talking about her feelings and thoughts so she expressed them through her poems and illustrations.
“I started writing poems when I was 18 (and) when I was struggling with assignments and tests in college,” the engineering and mathematics graduate recalls.
“At the age of 27, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and writing and drawing helped me to express myself in ways that I could not through spoken words.”
Pointing out that putting her thoughts and feelings on paper was always easier for her, Leia says she was, however, not ready then to share her poems with the world and would stuff the pieces of paper into the back of her drawer.
It was not until 12 years after she started writing poetry that she finally found the confidence to publish her verses and share them with the rest of the world.
“I finally decided to publish my pieces in a book at the beginning of this year as my way of finally letting go of the past,” she shares with FMT. “I went through a very hard time at the beginning of this year, and it really made me realise just how much I was clinging on to the past and I got tired of it”.
Leia had plans on publishing her book early this year but postponed it due to the pandemic and ensuing lockdowns. Finally, on Oct 14, her book ‘SMOKE: A Public Diary’ – an anthology of the poems she had written in the last 12 years – was published.
The book features 57 poems as well as illustrations put together by the creative woman over the years based on her experiences, thoughts, feelings and even her dreams.
“Every piece is based on something I went through in the past and I can actually remember every feeling I had when I wrote each piece.”
When asked about the title of her book and its significance, Leia’s response was, “Smoke is actually the title of the first poem I ever wrote so it only seemed fitting that I name the book after it.” As for the public diary part, it is Leia’s hope that when people read her verses, they are able to connect them to their own lives.
For someone who struggles with being open and vulnerable, Leia did have doubts about publishing her poems as each one is very personal to her.
“Putting this book out there for everyone to read definitely makes me feel vulnerable but I now see vulnerability as courage and strength rather than weakness,” she says, adding that by putting herself in this vulnerable position, she is able to connect with her readers and hopefully they would be able to relate to her too.
Though she may be a difficult person to understand, this book is her attempt at communicating her thoughts and feelings with the world.
The pages of SMOKE are filled with illustrations all done by Leia herself.
“Many of the illustrations don’t have faces as I want my readers to be able to fill in those blank spaces with their own feelings.”
She adds that when designing her book, she ensured that blank pages were added for her readers to write down their thoughts as well.
“I want them to be able to make it their own; in a way it is my public diary personalised by each reader,” says Leia, who also enjoys painting and has a studio in Ara Damansara, Selangor, where she spends her time writing, drawing and painting.
Though she is a bundle of nerves with the publication of her book, Leia is excited to have reached this milestone in her life after many years of finding the courage to publish her work.
Leia collaborated with Rai Arts Initiative to bring her dream to reality.
“Rai Arts is an art collective run by my sister and her husband, and they are actually the ones who pushed and encouraged me to publish my book,” she explains.
Leia had a happy and comfortable childhood although there were many times when she felt lonely and lost.
“I hope that those who read my book will feel less lonely and comforted by the words I have written.”
‘SMOKE: A Public Diary’ is available via Rai Arts Initiative’s Instagram account and will soon be available on Shopee as well.