It was good to meet up with some old friends recently, people who were with me in secondary school, half a century ago. But not everybody was there.

Quite a large percentage of our year had passed away. Some aren’t well, while others, whether by choice or not, have gone quiet.

Most of us are Merdeka boys, born in the year of independence. While the country is quite young, as countries go, and is vigorous and vital, humans of the same vintage don’t quite age so elegantly.

Most of us are retired, or in our second or third career. I’d imagine some are quite comfortable with life after retirement, some others probably less so. That’s how life goes.

When you’re of a certain age, your thoughts, even unconsciously, tend to focus on a few big questions: one is how have I lived my life so far; and the other is what’s next?

None of us know what’s coming next, though we do hope and pray that our existence has been of some worth and meaning, and that the remaining years will be kind.

If the life I had lived was put up for judgment, would the judgement be kind, or would it have been harsh?

Seeking salvation

I had very religious parents, both pious but also easy-going in so many ways. They cared immensely about fulfilling the tenets of their faith, but were not very judgmental on others around them.

In their old age, they were totally unafraid about having their life come to an end and going on to meet their Maker. That’s a sign of strong, iron-clad faith.

They did spend more time on their faith and rituals in their later years, but not overwhelmingly so. They didn’t seem too exercised about pushing for a few final rounds of merit-making before their time was up.

In my own senior years, especially after I retired, I, too, have pondered how to spend the remainder of my days. It’s an interesting philosophical exercise, and not one that’s morbid or ghoulish at all.

If I compare myself with many of my peers, I’d have to say I’m not as pious as they are. Many of them are laser-focused on earning merit for their salvation in the hereafter.

If that’s what makes them happy, then good for them indeed. I don’t know all their life stories. I wish them all the best, and may they find their peace and salvation.

Setting things right

For me, I don’t want my old age to be spent trying to repair what I may have done wrong. I’m pretty sure I got most things right, and where I didn’t, they’re probably not fatal to my case, if you’ll pardon the pun.

If I did do something wrong, I want to do whatever I can to put it right while I still can. And if I can’t, I’ll try to do something else to make up for it.

I don’t believe it’s as easy as to just repent and ask for God’s forgiveness and then have the slate wiped clean. Or do a pilgrimage and offer special prayers. Or make some donations to the needy or their causes.

If the action for which you’re asking forgiveness has hurt some people, the first order of business is to right the wrong. If you can’t, then make sure you make up for it in some other ways.

If you’re a Muslim, should you go to Mecca for pilgrimage 10 times to make up for it, or should you go once, and pay for nine other poor people to go instead? Should you build an expensive private chapel in your home, or build 10 decent ones in the poor areas? Should you pay for expensive prayers and offerings to smoothen your journey to the afterlife or help those facing problems in the here and now?

If these suggestions sound like a bit of socialism, so be it. In my mind all religions without exception insist on justice and fairness especially for the poor and the weak and the powerless, which is what socialism aims for too.

Apart from faith and worship of the Creator or Creators, religions are literally manifestations of our duty and responsibilities towards helping others in our circles. That’s about as close to socialism as you can get.

In the balance

For me, my old age is a time to do things I couldn’t do, or didn’t do enough, in earlier years because of the usual life’s pressures, such as pursuing a livelihood and career and parenthood.

That includes being even more clear about what it means to be a good person, including about how much effort I should put in for the benefit of myself versus the benefit of others.

My kids are all grown up and facing their own life challenges, which I must admit seem to be heavier and tougher than when I was their age.

In my time it was a given that, bad luck aside, we’d all be able to live better lives than that of our parents. That’s not a given any more. But I think the kids are, as the song says, all right.

Even so, they have their own existential crisis to deal with. While they had an easier growing up than many of their parents, they would also face a tougher adulthood.

Facing the future

If life has been kind to you, I think it’s important that you spend your later years doing things you always wanted to do, but couldn’t. I hope that doesn’t include gathering even more wealth to be at your richest when you die.

I hope, when the tough periods do come, you won’t be a burden on those you love. I hope you have focused on your health as much as your wealth. And I hope your gene lottery has been kind to you, though that’s difficult to arrange, because the gene lottery is literally a lottery!

Meanwhile, don’t think so much about dying that you forget about living. Earth and everything in it is incredibly wonderful, but also precious and fragile. See as much of it as you can.

Do as much as you can to make things better, if not for yourself then at least for those who come after you. Have fun, make new friends, help others within your means. And don’t forget those school reunions.

The views expressed are those of the writer and do not necessarily reflect those of FMT.