A dummy’s guide as written by Todd Boehly

You pay way over the odds to buy the club in the first place.

Then you sack one of the game’s top managers who won the world’s premier club trophy the previous season.

In his place, you appoint a virtual rookie who has done modestly at modest clubs.

Your club expects someone with charisma but this guy has had a bypass.

It’s like choosing the boy next door to be James Bond.

Everyone – fans, media, ball boys, tea ladies – tells you it’s not a good fit but you don’t listen.

You even have to pay his previous club a hefty £21 million fee in compensation – for a manager.

You give him a five-year contract.

Then you buy him players he doesn’t want.

Not just anybody, but expensive stars the team doesn’t need.

And you pay over the odds for most of them.

You upset other clubs by gazumping them but they have the last laugh when the signings don’t work out.

You buy so many that some have to sit on the floor at team meetings.

Besides an 11 v 11 practice match, an additional 9-a-side game is needed for all to get a kick.

You double up on every position except the one you need most – a No 9.

You did buy one of the top strikers in Europe who worked with the previous manager whom you sacked a week later.

You desperately need goals but this guy is never picked.

You have another, whom the previous regime paid £97m for, on loan in Italy. It wouldn’t cost much to bring him back.

You give most of the new recruits long contracts so you can get around financial fair play (FFP) regulations through amortisation.

But FFP is still going to force you into a fire sale in the summer. You bought too high and you’ll have to sell too low.

And we thought you knew your way around Wall Street.

Your buying policy was scattergun at best; you seemed to think if you bought a bunch of talented, mostly young, players, a half-decent manager would turn them into champions.

Well, cream does rise to the top, but, in football, it’s a bit more complicated than that.

You are not going to qualify for the Champions League next season unless you win it this season. Unlikely: you’ve got Real Madrid next.

You may not be in Europe at all. You’re in the bottom half of the league and haven’t beaten a team in the top eight.

And remember, you were third last season.

Supposedly a cup team, you bowed out of both domestic cups without scoring a goal.

This is some season – one of the club’s worst ever – but you’ve spent £600m.

Based on money spent, it has to be some sort of world first.

No matter how you look at it, it’s a spectacular achievement.

It’s been a masterclass. Of rank bad decisions and flawed strategy.

Why blow £600m?

Todd Boehly admitted that while the new owners were au fait with “people and human capital”, and “game plans and strategies”, they were “not expecting to be football experts.”

So, why blow £600m?

He and his Clearlake buddies are firm believers that football is undervalued. To be fair, he did say that when they bought in.

But it still doesn’t mean he has to act like a lottery winner on speed.

And even if he’s right, he’s still wasted time and money on an epic scale.

He and his cronies are making Roman Abramovich look like the voice of reason.

But the penny may have finally dropped: sacking Graham Potter was the first good decision they’ve made.

And they followed it by asking Frank Lampard to take the reins until the end of the season.

It’s a decision full of irony, as Lampard was sacked by Abramovich, followed by Thomas Tuchel and failed at Everton, but for the short term it makes sense.

Lamps knows the club and the fans still love him, so, in that regard, he’s a safe pair of hands.

The owners appear to have learned that lesson and don’t want to rush into the next permanent appointment.

Potter, nice guy that he was, turned into a disaster. He managed to lose 11 of his 31 matches and took Chelsea from sixth to 11th in the table.

He was accused of not being angry enough – and was far too nice.

Chelsea like a bit of nastiness in their manager and their players, and Potter’s ‘Mr Ordinary’ appearance and gentlemanly demeanour didn’t cut the mustard.

“You can’t have charisma when your name is Graham Potter,” he once said. And being called “Harry” didn’t help.

Neither of the two front-runners for the job will have those kinds of problems.

Julian Nagelsmann and Luis Enrique appear to be leading the race, but both men are likely to want rather more say in recruitment than Potter had.

The German may be a better talker – his English is better for a start – but the Spaniard, having managed his national team and with a Champions League winners’ medal from his Barcelona days, has a more impressive CV.

Let’s hope Boehly does a bit more research this time.

He inherited a club in turmoil after the enforced departure of Abramovich, but presides over one in greater turmoil now – at least on the playing side.

The American took a crash course in football – and crashed.

For Chelsea’s sake, we hope the damage is repairable. But it will take time. At least Boehly has that – or so he thinks.