Nowadays, a dual-income family is quite common, which debunks the traditional notion that women must be the sole caregivers in a household. In fact, 2019’s statistics show that 39.2% of the total labour force in Malaysia comprises women.

What’s more, studies also show that more and more women are assuming the role of breadwinners, as many women continue to make more money than their husbands.

That said, these monumental forward strides have also increased the stresses in marriages by creating a lot of tension amongst spouses.

If you’re a female primary earner, here are a few tips on how to make things work at home.

Communicate with your spouse

Breaking stereotypes is going to be a new uncomfortable reality. As such, couples need to address their feelings and expectations.

Sit down together as a team to determine the goals you want for your household. Then, examine your financial positions and the tradeoffs that need to be made in order for you to achieve your household goals.

You both need to come out of this with matching understanding and expectations. Also, keep in mind that you are both rowing the same boat towards the same goals, which is why it is important to stay aligned by communicating often.

Cooperate instead of compensating

In a healthy marriage, “compensation” does not exist. Rather, it is to “cooperate” in order for both you and your spouse to carry your family in the right direction.

If you earn more, it may be easy to feel that you deserve control over decision-making. However, for a union to succeed, earning power should not become a source of leverage for decisions.

Make it a point to regularly check in with each other and discuss decisions. As every couple is unique, get to know what decision-making strategy feels best for both of you. There is no benefit in power-grabbing within a marriage, regardless of gender or income ability.

Resolve resentments

In a situation such as this, resentment always starts to build, especially in terms of feeling inadequate. To resolve feelings of inadequacy, look into improving each other’s confidence and self-esteem by celebrating and enjoying each other’s successes.

Look at some advantages, such as, your kids have a dad who remains at home and has a great friendship with them. As the breadwinner, you have the flexibility to focus on unique work projects and career learning initiatives.

If your husband wants to contribute more financially, encourage him to take up a side hustle.

If you want more family time, carve out a regular mommy-only activity such as a monthly baking session with the kids. You two should take pride in who you are and what you do.

Don’t harping over him earning less

Income imbalance between spouses can be a touchy topic. While you should make no apologies for earning more, you also should not be nasty about it. After all, what can you gain from making your husband feel bad?

Listen to your inner self and uncover what it is that makes you want to goad your spouse. Are you upset by the income imbalance? Are you jealous of their other successes? Are you feeling insecure?

Rather than constantly bringing up the inequality, focus on your joint financial targets. Remember, your priority is to work as a team to pay off loans, raise net worth, as well as prepare for retirement.

Don’t sabotage your career

If you find yourself holding back in your career because of your husband’s hurt feelings, then there’s a problem. Hence, it is important to be transparent about one another’s expectations.

Having a good understanding of what is required of each of you will reduce the likelihood of frustration later on. In this regard, don’t let the traditional opinions of others influence your career choices.

Some people would still frown at seeing a successful breadwinning woman. This idea is, of course, misguided. Don’t drag yourself down if you achieve results in your career.

Be fair with finances

Instead of putting all your earnings in the common household fund, consider creating a “Yours, Mine, and Ours” expenses arrangement.

If there is a significant salary gap, each spouse’s allocation should be proportional to their salary. For example, where one partner earns 75% of the income while the other earns 25%, they can split the costs in a comparable proportion.

This formula can be extremely effective. However, consider the complexities of the partnership and discuss what seems appropriate.

Pay attention to your health

The pressure of being a female breadwinner may demand you to work longer hours. With the little emergency buffer, it may even force you to get a second job or a part-time hustle which could lead to fatigue.

In the same way, you must take care of your mental health especially if you are facing financial difficulties and having trouble making a living. Look out for things like extreme exhaustion, panic attacks, bursts of frustration, anxiety and depression.

Always make it a point to regularly take out some “me” time for yourself to unwind. Taking up some regular physical exercise can also do wonders for your overall health.

This article first appeared in MyPF. Follow MyPF to simplify and grow your personal finances on Facebook and Instagram.