New research is backing up what many pet people already know: the bond is real, and the grief can be just as intense as losing a human loved one.

A study published in PLOS One this month looked at bereavement after the death of a pet versus the death of a person, surveying 975 adults in the United Kingdom.

The researchers found that people’s grief reactions after pet loss could mirror those seen after human loss – and that 7.5% of bereaved pet owners met criteria for probable Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD).

Why it hits so hard

Pets aren’t “just animals” in the way our daily lives are structured. They’re woven into the smallest rhythms: the morning feed, the evening walk, the warm weight beside you on the sofa.

When they’re gone, you don’t only lose them – you lose the companionship and routines that quietly held your day together.

The PLOS One study also found something many people admit in whispers: among participants who had experienced both human and pet bereavements, 21% said the pet’s death was the most distressing loss.

That doesn’t mean someone loved their pet “more than people” – it often means that this particular relationship was uniquely constant, uncomplicated, and present in daily life.

There’s another layer, too: disenfranchised grief – that is, grief that isn’t socially recognised. When friends say “at least it was only a cat/dog”, it can add shame to sorrow, making people grieve in private.

Lead researcher Philip Hyland has argued that excluding pet loss from PGD guidelines is “scientifically misguided” and “callous”, because it can discourage people from seeking support.

When grief turns into something heavier

Grief is not a straight line, and there’s no neat timeline. But clinicians do look for red flags when grief stays intense and impairing over time.

Recognised in major diagnostic systems, PGD is described as persistent yearning, emotional pain, difficulty re-engaging with life, and impairment that extends beyond expected cultural norms.

Most pet bereavement is painful but normal. Still, if weeks turn into months and you feel stuck – unable to function, withdrawing from life, or constantly consumed by guilt – it may be time to ask for help.

Gentle ways to cope

You don’t need a “closure ritual” worthy of a movie. Small, practical acts are often what soften the sharp edges:

• Let the grief be real (even if others don’t get it): Animal welfare groups emphasise that pet grief can be as valid and intense as human grief – and that it can take people by surprise.
• Memorialise in a way that fits your life: A photo book, a paw print, a donation to a shelter – it’s not a way to “move on”, but to give love somewhere to land. The UK’s RSPCA and Blue Cross both suggest remembrance activities as a healthy outlet, especially when you feel overwhelmed.
• Be kind about end-of-life decisions: “Did I do the right thing?” is one of the most common spirals after euthanasia or a sudden loss. Pet bereavement resources note that guilt is a frequent part of grieving – and not proof you failed your animal.
• Talk to children plainly (and don’t rush their feelings): Guides recommend using clear language and avoiding confusing euphemisms, letting kids ask questions, and giving them a role in saying goodbye – drawing a picture, choosing a photo, writing a note.
• Watch the ‘support gap’: If you’re surrounded by people who don’t understand pet loss, consider a dedicated support line or group. Support systems – friends, community, grief resources – are a major protective factor in bereavement.

At the end of the day, remember that grief is love with nowhere to go. It’s a cliché, yes, but it’s also oddly accurate. The pain you feel is often proportional to the safety, joy, and everyday companionship your pet gave you.

So, if it hurts like family, it’s because, in the ways that count day-to-day, it was.