It seemed like the rare Malaysian academic fairytale: two brothers and a sister-in-law, all earning their doctorates together. But behind that moment were years marked by illness, financial strain, a newborn, endless late nights, and the kind of resilience that comes only from deep family conviction.
“We didn’t even have time to prepare for our graduation,” Vinesh Raj told FMT Lifestyle. “Everything was chaotic, haywire. It was just like, ‘Oh, we’re here.'”
Vinesh and his older brother Vishnu were raised in a modest government-servant household; their parents spent decades in rental homes before slowly climbing their way up.
“We were not a rich family – education was the only thing that could take us to the next level,” said Vinesh, 35.
His wife, Meghna Gohain, grew up in the remote town of Diphu in Assam, India, raised by a single mother – a medical doctor and former director of health services.
“My mother was the driving force in our life,” Meghna shared. “She made sure education was our No. 1 priority.”
So when the three of them decided to pursue their PhDs in 2021, it wasn’t an accident. “It was planned,” Vinesh stressed. “In our family, education must win.”
But life hit hard. Their son was born right in the middle of thesis work and oral examinations. “Our house was a mess,” Vinesh recalled. “Books everywhere, computers everywhere, baby toys everywhere.”
At night, they became a tag team – one studying at 2am while the other fed the baby, then swapping roles.
Vishnu, meanwhile, faced his own storm: his wife lost her job during the pandemic, leading to financial stress; his father-in-law passed away; and he was juggling childcare while completing a research project on nutrition and wellbeing.
To cope, he turned to bodybuilding, eventually becoming a certified trainer and even competing in Mr Perak.
“It was something that kept him sane,” Vinesh pointed out, “and it helped with his research, too.”
But the hardest moment came when Vinesh woke up one morning unable to see from his right eye. He was diagnosed with Behçet’s syndrome, a rare autoimmune condition.
In his hospital room, Meghna would sit beside him until 3am, preparing for her thesis on oral radiology. “My son would be at home with my in-laws,” she recalled. “I felt so guilty – I couldn’t give him time. It was emotionally very heavy.”
Vinesh continued to work on his thesis while recovering in the hospital.
Understandably, there were moments when their PhDs felt impossible. “What surprised me most is how easy it would have been to quit,” Meghna admitted. “When you’re 35 with a baby, parents who are sick, and you’re exhausted – quitting is very easy.”
But they clearly persevered. “We want to be role models for our son and for our students. If we quit, what example would that set?” said Vinesh, who lectures at Universiti Teknologi Mara while Meghna lectures at UM.
So, how did they cope? Vinesh “kept sane” by cooking daily, while Meghna treasured her evening walks at the park with their son.
They also leaned on each other unceasingly, and their shared accountability kept them moving. “We kept saying, ‘Let’s graduate together’ – even though it felt far-fetched,” Meghna said. “But now it’s happened.”
Having submitted their theses on the same day, the three of them walked the stage together on graduation day: Vinesh with his PhD in oral and maxillofacial pathology and oral medicine; Meghna in oral and maxillofacial radiology; and Vishnu in medical public health.
And now, they are even working on a paper together.
They are clear about what it really takes to survive a postgraduate journey – daily time management, financial planning, and willpower.
Above all, said Meghna, “if you need help, ask for help. You are practically on your own. So, your support system is very important”.
Now, they are looking forward to life at a gentler pace. “We really want to slow down, take care of our health, and bring balance to our lives,” Vinesh added.
With the holidays right around the corner, their chance to enjoy a nice long break has arrived. They have definitely earned it.