Recently, a woman on social media related how an eagerly anticipated promotion caused unanticipated conflict with her spouse.

After years of persistence, she landed a leadership post with a notable pay increase. But her husband was offended rather than happy: he was concerned about how the increased obligations would affect their future, and questioned whether she was putting their marriage second to money.

His worries quickly became guilt-tripping, and he even said she should decline the opportunity if she truly loved him.

Feeling unsupported, she took the job anyway, but their relationship faltered. Her spouse became aloof, and his family accused her of putting her job above their marriage.

This scenario emphasises a problem that is more common than you might think: when one partner’s career success threatens a marriage. How can couples sensibly negotiate this obstacle?

Why does this happen?

When one spouse achieves career success, the other could feel:

• left behind or insecure: if a partner’s identity is based on being the main provider, they could face difficulty when their partner moves up professionally;
• anxious about shifting priorities: resistance can result from questions about time spent together or future family planning;
• threatened by change: while some people, in theory, welcome ambition, they feel differently when it challenges their expectations of the partnership.

According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, men’s self-esteem generally suffers when their partners succeed; women’s self-esteem stays the same. This implies that the dynamics of a relationship still depend on conventional gender norms and expectations.

So, what can be done? Here are a few strategies to help ensure your success doesn’t sour your relationship:

1. Have honest conversations

Talk honestly about your worries before presuming your partner is unsupportive. Ask questions like:

• What specifically worries you about my new role?
• How can we adjust to make this work for both of us?

Understanding their viewpoint will assist you and help you both to come up with answers.

2. Give reassurance without compromising your goals

While you can be determined to stick to your career decision, you should respect your partner’s emotions. Tell them that your professional development does not diminish the value of your relationship.

By providing reassurance, one can significantly reduce worries about neglect or separation.

3. Set new expectations together

If your promotion calls for longer hours or travel, work jointly to redefine expectations for your partnership. Try:

• allocating specific quality time together;
• discovering ways of helping each other achieve goals;
• changing household chores to fit developments.

4. Address specific gender norms

It could be beneficial to have a more thorough conversation if your partner’s discomfort results from conventional ideas about marriage roles. After all, people’s reactions to one partner’s achievement could change depending on their expectations of who should be the provider.

While this shouldn’t be an issue in an ideal world, the reality is that external influences can have an impact on a marriage. So, a strong connection can come about when both spouses help each other with aspirations.

5. Recognise red flags

Support should not come with conditions. Should your partner force you to downplay your aspirations for their convenience, this could point to a more serious control problem.

Rather than limit each other, a loving relationship should enable both parties to succeed.

Ultimately, a solid career and a good marriage does not have to be in opposition. Although changes in your professional path will require some adjustments, love, commitment, and a true connection can help you discover ways in which you can both flourish.

This article was originally written by Anisa Aznan for jobstore.com, an online job site that specialises in providing jobseekers with the latest job opportunities by matching talented individuals with reputable companies in Malaysia. Find your dream job with over 40,000 job vacancies in Malaysia.

Read more articles from Jobstore here.