Many parents are reluctant to admit that they have a favourite among their children. And yet, family favouritism is much more common than you might think: a North American study published in the journal Psychological Bulletin reveals that youngest children often enjoy special attention compared to their elders.
To carry out this study, Alexander Jensen from Brigham Young University in the US and McKell Jorgensen-Wells of Western University in Canada analysed data from a large number of sources, including 30 articles published in peer-reviewed scientific journals.
Covering 19,469 participants from the US, Western Europe and Canada, this research provides an overview of how parental preferences manifest themselves and influence children’s lives.
Generally, older children enjoy greater autonomy than younger kids, as parents become less controlling over time as they grow up. However, younger children often seem to receive more favourable treatment.
The study also highlights a slight parental preference for girls, although this preference is rarely perceived by the children themselves.
Personality also plays a key role in these preferences: responsible, agreeable children are often treated more favourably by their parents, regardless of their birth rank or gender.
“Most parents probably connect more easily with one child over another, whether that be due to personality, birth order, gender or other things like shared interests,” Jensen said in a news release.
This phenomenon is logical, as we tend to identify more with those who resemble us, whether physically or in terms of character or tastes. Scientific literature speaks of “homogamy” or “homophily” to describe this natural inclination to seek similarity.
While this concept has been widely explored in romantic relationships, it remains little studied in the family context.
In a society that values fairness and equality, many parents feel they must maintain identical relationships with each of their children. However, this approach is not always the most appropriate, Jensen notes.
“Sometimes parents get so concerned about treating their kids the same that they overlook individual needs. We’re not suggesting parents feel guilty; instead, parents can look at this research and use it as encouragement to look at places where they can improve, without going to extremes,” he said.
This study invites parents to question their preferences when it comes to their children, because these differences in treatment leave lasting imprints.
Being the favourite is both a privilege and a burden; while being valued at the expense of other children leads to guilt on the part of the favoured child. They have to cope with high parental expectations, follow a predefined path, and live in constant fear of disappointing or even losing this privileged status to their siblings.
But the consequences of parental favouritism don’t stop at sibling rivalry. According to Jensen, children who feel neglected are more likely to suffer from mental health problems or adopt disruptive behaviours at home or at school.
It is, therefore, essential to foster an environment where every child feels valued, listened to, and free to express their emotions. Shedding light on this subject will not shake families; on the contrary, it could help make them stronger and more united.