At the start of a relationship, it’s normal to feel all aflutter. You’re excited about the idea of getting to know someone new, and you do all you can to please them, even if that sometimes means losing sight of your own needs.
If you find it difficult to set boundaries, especially at the beginning of a relationship, then the “quardrailing” method could help you get off to a good start.
The idea of guardrailing involves setting a collection of healthy boundaries and mechanisms to protect the relationship from toxic or destructive behaviour. From the very start of a relationship, these “guardrails” help to establish a framework of mutual respect, emotional security and constructive communication, while leaving a free space for each partner.
These limits can be as much about sexual consent as about physical and psychological wellbeing. For example, if you like to watch your favourite show alone on Sunday evenings, you can express this individual need to your partner. Or if you don’t like a certain sexual activity, a discussion is also in order.
These safety barriers can set limits on how to handle a disagreement or conflict within the relationship, or define what each person wants from the relationship to avoid misunderstandings and frustration. By setting clear limits, you can build a healthy relationship where both partners can flourish.
Not easy to say ‘no’
But setting boundaries isn’t always easy, because people often fear scaring off a prospective partner. In fact, almost two-thirds (63%) of 18- to 24-year-olds are afraid of saying “no” to their partner or of disappointing them, according to a YouGov survey for the Bumble dating app.
Couples therapist Cécile Guéret told the French edition of Cosmopolitan magazine that everyone should try to be “as clear and transparent as possible about your own limits and expectations from the outset”. She reminds us that you also have the right to readjust these boundaries over time, especially if something makes you uncomfortable.
“Consent must be freely given and can be withdrawn at any time,” she points out. It’s an “ongoing conversation,” where it’s important to check regularly whether you and your partner are still on the same wavelength.
By adopting the guardrailing method, you take care of yourself and your partner by defining a clear framework right from the start of the relationship. This allows you to build a relationship on solid foundations, where everyone can flourish in complete serenity.
Don’t forget that mutual respect and ongoing communication are the keys to a fulfilling, lasting relationship.