“Mummy, I’m thirsty.” “Daddy, I’ve got to go to the bathroom.” “I’m not tired!”

If you’re a parent, you’re bound to have experienced these fierce bedtime battles. It’s a perpetual conflict that can lead parents to make decisions that will have long-term repercussions on their children’s sleep.

At least, so says research from the University of Michigan Health C S Mott Children’s Hospital, based on its national poll on children’s health. “Establishing a consistent bedtime routine is crucial: when children don’t get enough rest, it can impact their physical development, emotional regulation and behaviour”, the scientists involved outlined.

The researchers, who in February surveyed 781 parents of children aged one to six, drew two main conclusions from this poll: most children are unable to sleep because they are anxious or worried, while some parents resort to makeshift strategies that can cause, if not worsen, their children’s sleep problems in the long term.

“When this transition to bedtime becomes a nightly conflict, some parents may fall into habits that work in the moment but could set them up for more sleep issues down the road,” Mott Poll co-director Sarah Clark explained.

Establish a regular routine

The survey shows that almost all parents (90%) claim to have a bedtime routine in place for their child(ren), including the traditional brushing of teeth (90%), as well as reading one or more stories (67%), giving them a bath (54%), or a glass of water (47%), or even a snack (23%).

The environment in which the child falls asleep seems just as important as the bedtime routine: close to half of parents surveyed (47%) say their child sleeps in their own room, 21% in a room shared with a sibling, and 22% in the same room as their parents.

To counter any concerns about the dark, parents tend to opt for night lights (61%), while 14% leave the door ajar.

“The sleep environment can have a major effect on a child’s sleep quality, including getting to sleep and staying asleep through the night. When possible, children should have their own bed in a room that is quiet, without a lot of noise from other family members,” Clark recommended.

Nevertheless, some parents continue to struggle with their offspring’s struggles to fall asleep. More than a quarter of respondents (27%) claim to face this problem on a regular basis. These include mums and dads who are less likely to use a bedtime routine, or are more likely to turn to screens, or even tend to stay in the same room with their child until they fall asleep.

In view of this, the researchers recommend that bedtime should be a time for relaxation. Games and activities that are synonymous with excitement or agitation should be avoided, and the child should be provided with a safe and secure environment.

“A predictable bedtime routine provides a sense of security and comfort and signals to the child that it’s time to slow down,” Clark noted.

Talk and listen

Unable to cope with their children’s sleep problems, a handful of parents (19%) say they “often or sometimes” give them melatonin, a compound known as the “sleep hormone”, designed to help them fall asleep.

In response, the scientists said that “although melatonin is a natural hormone that regulates sleep-wake cycles and may be fine to use occasionally, parents shouldn’t rely on it as a primary sleep aid”. They add that the long-term effects of this hormone remain “unknown”.

So what can be done to avoid this daily battle? The experts recommend giving priority to dialogue, whether to create emotional bonds that will reassure the child, or to enable them to better deal with certain fears and worries.

They also recommend reassuring the child, without introducing strategies that could be harmful in the long term. Instead of staying in the room, it might be more appropriate to ask the child if they want you to come back and check on them at regular intervals.

This approach “acknowledges the child’s fears and offers a reassuring presence, but still maintains a calm sleep environment and promotes sleep independence”, the researchers said.

It’s a good idea to keep screens out of children’s bedrooms and, if necessary, to do away with naps if the child is getting enough sleep at night. In all cases, parents need to listen carefully and find the right balance, which may require a few adjustments for each individual child.

Nevertheless, the experts recommend sticking to the routine once it has been established. “Being consistent in carrying out the approach will help the child adjust and be more likely to return to sleep,” Clark said.