On Feb 13, 2017, Pastor Raymond Koh left home and has not been seen since. In 2019, the human rights commission concluded after a public hearing that he had been the victim of “enforced disappearance” at the hands of the Special Branch.
Seven years later, Esther still longs to see and be with her dad, especially on Father’s Day.
“I miss him just being here. He was always making sure things were OK with the family. His presence was what gave me a lot of confidence and strength,” Esther, the second of three children, told FMT Lifestyle.
Simple but significant, memories of their time together are still fresh in her mind. “Some of my favourite moments would be just having conversations with him in the car.
“Once, I was upset about a problem I had with a friend, and he listened very patiently. All he said was ‘God knows’. That really comforted me,” the 38-year-old shared.
While the demands of his job kept him busy, the pastor had remained very involved in the lives of his family and ensured they were well looked after.
When Esther was stressed over work, Raymond would send her off in the mornings with a comforting hug and food in her belly. “He would cook breakfast, sit down, talk to me, and say a prayer for me. That would give me strength and courage to face the day.”
There were tranquil evenings in the park as they walked their dog, and fun times going for a swim at the public pool on weekends followed by a Ramly burger after.
When she was younger, her father would tell her stories – original ones he made up – and sing songs before bedtime. But more often than not, he would end up falling asleep before she did!
“When he stopped, I would know he was asleep,” Esther said with a chuckle.
She also fondly recalled how he would indulge her requests for a pet rabbit or hamster, and would even willingly clean up after them!
Esther described her father as someone who would work efficiently while knowing how to have fun. And it was music that brought him joy: “When he played the guitar at home, his face would light up in a smile.”
Reminiscing about Father’s Day, Esther said her family would typically spend time together over a meal. “We’d go for Chinese food. My dad was quite a simple person, he didn’t fancy expensive food.”
Life, of course, has not been the same since that fateful day in 2017 and, as they continue to fight for answers, several things keep Esther going.
“I find strength to cope from the people who support his case. It reminds me how Malaysian citizens are concerned about his disappearance.
“It gives me strength to continue to want to find out the truth, because we need to have closure, we need to know what happened.”
She also draws on her father’s belief in hope: something she observed through his passion for helping the needy.
“He conducted initiatives to help the poor by starting a reading room, and helped those who suffered during the tsunami in 2004. His acts showed me that he believed there’s hope for the difficult situations people are in.
“And when I faced problems, he would always tell me: ‘As long as there’s life, there’s hope.’ I remember that until today.”
Naturally, it’s not easy when Father’s Day rolls around. “I’m always reminded of him, but I am very glad and fortunate to have him as my father and to have had those times with him,” she said.
“It’s hard but it’s also special, and I know I’m blessed.”