Yet two men, a Malaysian and an expatriate, have done just that, putting their careers on hold to take charge of domestic responsibilities and immerse themselves in raising their children.

Jonathan Koo, 42, served as a pastor for a decade until three years ago when he swapped the clergy collar for the apron.

Since then, he has embraced his role as a stay-at-home dad to make up for the milestones he missed with his eldest daughter.

“I see it as an opportunity to redeem myself as a father and husband,” he told FMT.

“I wasn’t around a lot (for my first child) due to the nature of my job. I wanted to make it right by her,” he said.

Mornings for Koo begin with preparing breakfast, after which he takes his three-year-old son to kindergarten, while his wife Chew Hwee Yen drops off their elder daughter, 10, at school on her way to work.

Then he turns his attention to his one-year-old daughter, the baby in the family, who he said is “very interactive, engaging and expressive”.

“Each day, there are little moments to capture with baby number three. I am picking up all these things in her that I missed with my two older children,” he said.

Koo also picks up his son from kindergarten, prepares lunch and entertains his children with tailored activities like video games with his eldest, indoor games with his son and baby games with his youngest.

While becoming a stay-at-home dad has made him more in tune with his children’s personalities and emotional needs, thus deepening his relationship with his family, Koo also grapples with challenges such as loss of identity and imposter syndrome.

“Many men may not know this. We lose our sense of identity because we’re so tied up in what we do rather then who we want to be,” he said.

Koo said he has to keep reminding himself that he is, first and foremost, a husband, a father and a son.

“I want to do the best for my family so I tell myself to just show up and battle the demons because my kids need to see that their dad is there for them,” he added.

He said people often commend him and express envy for his role as a stay-at-home dad.

He said the congregation at his church were initially perplexed by his choice but soon came to understand his reason for it.

An added bonus is that he also has the full support of his parents and in-laws.

Going out with the children, especially with the baby, remains a challenge.

Feeding rooms in shopping malls and even nappy changing stations are mostly designed for mothers, making it awkward for him whenever he has to use them.

Koo said a separate space for fathers to perform the same functions will be helpful for most hands-on dads.

Making up for lost time

For another stay-at-home dad, who wants to be known only as Pasha, it was an easy decision.

Formerly a business consultant, Pasha had to leave for the Middle East in April 2020 for work, just a week after his daughter, the younger of his two children, was born.

The Covid-19 pandemic and border lockdown kept him away until November the following year and, as a result, he missed a lot of his children’s growth and development, such as when his son took his first step.

It was a difficult time for his wife Azadeh Mehrabi who had to manage alone with two children, a newborn and an 18-month old.

“It was also hard for me. I missed my family alot,” he added.

When he returned to Malaysia, Pasha opted to be a bigger part of his children’s lives and to support his wife’s career growth.

In the two years he has been a stay-at-home dad, Pasha has seen every stage of his children’s growth and development.

“I was there when they learned new words at school and I saw how they improved on their English speaking skills,” he said.

For the 46-year-old, the day starts as early as 4am when he prepares nutritious meals for his children, making sure they are free of sugar and oil but rich in carbohydrates, fibre and protein.

Then it is school drop-off and pick-up, household chores and engaging the children in various activities such as swimming, badminton and cycling.

Like Koo, Pasha struggles with identity loss when he sees his friends make progress in their respective careers.

“I couldn’t handle it at first, but hitting the gym helped me manage my emotions. I told myself that being with my family matters more than career success. Now, I see being a stay-at-home dad as a job, and it became easy to accept,” he said.

At home the challenge was making the transition from being a friend to his children to a parental figure who sets the rules and metes out punishment.

“It’s upsetting, but I cannot take it easy. Their future is more important than my feelings. If disciplining them ensures they have a good future, then I think it’s acceptable,” he added.

Pasha said any man who wants to take up the challenge has to be mentally prepared and must appreciate the significant amount of work their wife would have to do if she is a stay-at-home mum.