That is what happened to Mogana Thamaraichelven, one of thousands of Malaysians afflicted with the autoimmune disease called multiple sclerosis.

At the age of 22, Mogana never fathomed that the faint numbness creeping through her body would one day escalate into a life-altering state of pain and uncertainty.

Now, four years later, and with no cure in sight, she is learning to smile through her pain and share her struggle with others battling the same illness.

In a recent interview with FMT Lifestyle, Mogana related how she came to know about MS in May of 2020.

She said she had returned from university to her home in Ipoh when she noticed the first symptoms: a numbness in her legs.

“At first, I thought that maybe I had been sitting for too long, so I brushed it off. But the numbness lasted for close to four days. That’s when I became suspicious,” she told FMT Lifestyle.

This prompted a visit to the clinic, where comprehensive blood work revealed nothing unusual. But a few days later, when the numbness had spread to her hands, real alarm bells rang.

Despite doctors advising her to wait it out, Mogana knew that there was more to her condition. Then an MRI scan ended all speculation.

“They found a tumour-like lump in my spinal cord,” she revealed. “At one point I was told, I may be paralysed till my neck if I went forward with surgery to remove the tumour. I was so confused, I just wanted answers.”

To make matters worse, the pain had worsened.

“In April of 2021 I was hospitalised for a month. My limbs were very weak. I would fall easily, and when I grabbed a glass of water, I would involuntarily drop it,” she recalled.

While Mogana admitted to concealing her emotions for many weeks, it was on the day of her biopsy that she confronted the truth: deep down, she was terrified.

“I called my best friend and told her, ‘I’m worried that I might not come back to see you’”.

After months of exhaustive testing and consultations with specialists, her diagnosis of MS, a condition that affects the nerve cells in a person’s brain, spinal cord and eyes, was finally confirmed.

Today, four years later, after undergoing various treatments, her condition is much more manageable, but she said that there are still some things she can never do again – like dance.

“I’m a trained Bharatanatyam dancer, but now that dream has been forever taken away from me,” Mogana said. She explained that MS makes it difficult for her to maintain her balance for any prolonged period.

Besides dancing, even certain everyday activities have been ruled out. “It’s been three years since I’ve gone running. If I run, I will fall.”

Although symptoms vary among patients, Mogana appears normal on the outside.

“It’s a needle poking kind of pain and there’s a feeling of heaviness too. As if your body is always tied to a load two to three kilogrammes in weight,” she described.

She said that she remains grateful to her family for being by her side to help her deal with all the dramatic changes that MS has resulted in her life.

“My father immediately bought me an auto car since I could no longer drive manual. My brothers would even help me put my slippers on before I sleep,” she said with a smile.

Initially, Mogana’s family settled her medical bills, but the expenses to treat the chronic condition soon skyrocketed, overwhelming them.

So, she turned to fundraising with One Hope Charity & Welfare and was amazed when the target of RM64,400 was met in just two days. “I didn’t expect it at all, and I’m relieved that my medication costs are covered for two years.”

Despite enduring physical pain, Mogana said it was the mental struggles that were the most challenging. She often suffered bouts of depression and suicidal thoughts.

However, after beginning therapy in 2022, she has bounced back.

“I went back to university, and graduated too,” she said proudly, adding that she now has a job. “I have difficulties using a laptop for a long time because my hands get numb, but I still manage,” the 27-year-old said.

Today, she shares her experiences with MS on social media, acting as a voice for others like her.

Follow Mogana on Instagram