It’s not uncommon to get carried away when you meet someone who seems to be a perfect match. We get butterflies in our stomachs and want to make the relationship advance as quickly as possible.
Unfortunately, all that excitement can get the better of us, leading us to overshare and give things away way too quickly. In the dating world, this is known as “PMI” or “premature intimacy”, and it can ruin relationships.
This acronym refers to the premature and excessive sharing of details about your personal life. Revealing plans for the future (marriage, children), or childhood traumas and fantasies too soon are all part of this form of oversharing.
PMI can also manifest itself in excessive physical affection and intrusive questions. And that’s not without consequences.
Revealing too much too soon can hinder a budding relationship: not only can it scare your partner, it can also give them a false impression of who you really are.
Relationship expert Jessica Alderson, interviewed by Stylist magazine, says “a gradual unfolding of personal details can contribute to the anticipation and enjoyment of discovering more about each other over time” – unlike PMI, which completely removes the mystery that fuels attraction.
According to a study by the dating site Plenty of Fish, PMI has become one of the most common problematic dating and relationship trends. The survey reveals that out of 6,000 Americans surveyed, 65% have experienced oversharing from a partner.
Anderson explains the origins of this behaviour: “Some people have a fear of rejection or abandonment and believe that, by opening up quickly, they can create a strong bond.
“They may believe that by being vulnerable and sharing personal information in the early stages of dating, their date will see them as more desirable or trustworthy.”
Another reason could be that some people simply don’t see the harm in sharing too many personal details about their lives. “They may not realise that their level of disclosure is more than what is typical in the early stages of a relationship.
“We all have different levels of openness and vulnerability, and some people are just more naturally inclined to share personal details,” the expert adds.
Sex and relationship practitioner Georgia Grace acknowledges to the NY Post that starting a new relationship can be full of adventure, excitement and adrenaline.
Still, she says, it’s important to “have platonic love and friendships, to see your family, and to make sure you’re going to work and moving your body in the way you’d like to, so that you still have a sense of self and it doesn’t get wrapped up or lost in this new-relationship energy”.
In other words, just because you’re in the early stages of an amazing relationship, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t hold some things back. It can be much more enjoyable to discover truths about your partner little by little.