Arguments are commonplace in relationships, and can sometimes damage communication. In the heat of anger, it’s tempting to hurt the other person with words that go beyond thoughts.

Dr Cortney Warren, a US psychologist, has spent 20 years studying relationship dynamics. According to her, feelings of contempt are the ones that can be most destructive in a relationship, especially when they start to creep into communications with your partner.

In an article written for CNBC, the expert explains: “One phrase that reflects contempt, and that I’ve seen destroy relationships the most, is ‘I wish we’d never met’.”

Other statements such as “you’ve ruined my life”, “you’re a nuisance”, “you’re pathetic”, “you’re not worth my time”, or “if we didn’t have kids, I would have left you by now” can, understandably also have devastating consequences on a couple’s dynamic.

Contempt can also manifest itself in non-verbal behaviours, such as rolling one’s eyes or adopting dismissive body language, creating a power imbalance.

So, how do you communicate in an argument without hurting the other person’s feelings? There are several solutions. First, take the time to think before you speak, and weigh your words carefully. It’s essential to acknowledge mistakes and apologise when necessary.

“Take responsibility. This includes acknowledging your choices, your patterns, and your engagement in dysfunction,” Warren explains.

Above all, remember that you and your partner are a team, so communication must be constructive on both sides to maintain harmony. So, before criticising or reproaching, remember why you are with your partner, and try to communicate your feelings or remarks in a kinder way.

The psychologist concludes by stressing the importance of learning from every conflict: “Try to find gratitude. There is always something to be learnt from discord in our relationships.

“Look for something positive that you can take away from every interaction, even if the process is unsettling.”