Between homework, school pick-ups and drop-offs, meals, tantrums and other defiant behaviours, many parents end the year at their wits’ end. While they’re far from alone, some of them wish to take advantage of the New Year to change their approach to parenting, so as to tackle the next 12 months more calmly.

So suggests the findings of an American survey of over 2,000 adult parents with at least one child up to age 18 living with them, shared by the C S Mott Children’s Hospital in Michigan. Still, parents haven’t necessarily waited for Dec 31 to make changes: almost three quarters report that they made resolutions or set personal goals throughout the year.

In detail, 47% of mothers and 35% of fathers surveyed say they have made these kinds of resolutions as a way to change their behaviour towards their children. Nearly three quarters of those who set these parenting goals do so to become better parents (74%), while an overwhelming majority (85%) believe it can serve as a model for teaching children to set and achieve one or more goals.

So, what kinds of resolutions are parents making? Curiously, the resolution most cited by respondents does not concern a concrete measure, such as putting their children to bed earlier, spending time with them more, or cooking healthier meals.

The top resolution is to be more patient with them, according to 78% of parents, followed by spending less time on their phone (56%), and being more consistent with discipline (47%).

Parents have also made resolutions regarding their family’s wellbeing. Some want to get healthier for their child (52%), provide healthier meals and snacks (48%), and even exercise with their offspring (37%) – with mothers more inclined to set themselves such objectives (55% vs 38% of fathers when it comes to healthier meals; 41% vs 30% for exercise).

Of those who have set parenting goals, 34% want to involve their children more in spiritual activities, while 21% aim to get more involved at their child’s school.

“Our survey suggests that respondents focus on areas they’d like to improve in their parenting approach, including being more engaged, focusing on health, and supporting their child’s connection to the community,” poll co-director Sarah Clark noted.

But parents aren’t the only ones setting themselves personal goals: more than half of those surveyed (53%) say their child or teenager, aged 11-18, has set these kinds of objectives.

Their resolutions, however, are far removed from their parents’: these children seek above all to do well at school (68%), succeed at an activity (52%), exercise (43%), earn money (40%), change their eating habits (40%), or try something new (39%).

Children who set themselves such goals can count on their parents’ support, whether by celebrating their attempts at improvement (70%), by joining their efforts (58%), by helping them track their progress (52%), or via financial support (51%).

“Goal-setting helps kids learn to be accountable for their actions and develop a growth mindset,” Clark added. “Parents who model goal setting can also teach kids the importance of working towards something and learning from mistakes along the way.”

She also highlights the importance of not aiming too high and of setting these resolutions over time. “People set New Year resolutions that fade as the year goes on. If families are serious about sticking to them, it’s essential to set specific and realistic targets, and schedule time to take necessary steps to reach them.”