The year-end holidays can be an exciting time, but they may rouse as many fears as they do hopes. The festivities can quickly turn sour owing to current events, a grumpy guest, intrusive questions or a kitchen disaster.

Here, French clinical psychologist and author Johanna Rozenblum offers advice on how to avoid conflicts, or at least deal with them, to help make the holidays a more peaceful time for everyone.

People have high expectations of the holidays, being a time of goodwill and cheer. Should we lower our expectations to avoid disappointment?

Disappointment often matches expectations. If we expect the festivities to heal past suffering, recreate the past, or put conflicts to one side, the risk is that the dream will be undermined by reality, which doesn’t always live up to our hopes and expectations.

Current economic, environmental and geopolitical crises won’t help lift the mood this holiday. Should we try to avoid these subjects?

There are often unspoken agreements about these matters at family gatherings. Everyone wants to spend a peaceful time together and will be keen to avoid bringing up controversial subjects during a festive meal.

If they do come up, there are different ways of handling a situation. You could, for example, openly state that now’s not the time, or respond with a touch of humour to sidestep the issue.

You could also – quite simply – not react to the subject at all.

But isn’t it healthy to debate – heatedly or otherwise – topical issues, whatever the occasion?

Yes, of course, and it’s still possible to discuss any topic over the festive season. It’s more a question of how each family experiences these moments.

Some are happy to discuss current affairs no matter the season, but others might prefer to put “real life” on hold for a moment, and focus on their family, their faith, or the magic of Christmas.

Are there things we can do to help the festive season go as smoothly as possible?

We all generally know what our own triggers are. Being aware of them means it’s possible to choose not to fall into the trap of rising to the remarks of a contentious uncle, a grouchy relative, or anyone else who, even unconsciously, creates a tense atmosphere.

Gifts, which should bring joy, can sometimes be a source of disappointment or frustration. How should we handle this?

Adults should usually be able to handle this kind of situation with ease, and consider that the thought takes precedence over the value of the gift.

For children, learning to tolerate frustration is part of growing up. It’s the role of parents to help young ones manage their emotions by verbalising them, listening to them, and helping them see the situation in a different light.

Preparing a meal and entertaining guests can be stressful. How can we avoid physical and emotional exhaustion?

Celebrations are supposed to be fun! If it turns into a strain, you need to know how to ask for help, or delegate by getting more people involved in the smooth running of events.

What are the three pieces of advice you would give to families to help them enjoy the festive season?

Respect one another’s wellbeing by putting any tensions aside for the day. Enjoy each other’s company by realising what a blessing it is to be reunited.

Finally, create happy memories for all generations of the family so that these moments remain something to look forward to every year.