“If you look at my other colleagues, other dance educators, they’ve published so many articles. Some in the hundreds! Me, I have like, 15. I’m just not a writer!” she told FMT Lifestyle with a laugh.
Despite this, the veteran arts practitioner found herself drawn suddenly to the blank page in December 2020. Unable to do much creative work owing to the restrictions of the pandemic, D’Cruz, 70, ended up typing out her thoughts.
There was much on her mind: she had been diagnosed with cancer in July 2019, and had had a mastectomy the following month. Some days she would just stare at the computer; other days she would type things down.
Writing for herself, D’Cruz had had no further plans for these creative expressions. Things changed, however, after she ended up sharing them on a Zoom call with some of her friends, including writer Charlene Rajendran.
The response to these stories was overwhelming: D’Cruz was strongly encouraged to stage them. And thus became the genesis of her newest production, a show that was never planned but just happened: in other words, “ItSelf TerJadi”.
Presented by local collective Five Arts Centre, the show is a text-based, experimental performance showcasing the memories, feelings and thoughts of a woman coping with cancer, Covid-19, and ageing.
Having started dancing at the age of six, D’Cruz is regarded as one of the pioneers of contemporary dance in Malaysia. She has studied traditional, modern and contemporary dance in Malaysia, Singapore, Indonesia, London, and New York.
Her work has won her numerous accolades, including the 2019 Hai-O Arts & Culture Grants Lifetime Achievement Award.
She continues to produce, perform and choreograph today, and currently teaches part-time at the Dance Faculty of the National Academy of Arts, Culture and Heritage (Aswara).
During lockdown, D’Cruz wrote about 58 stories, the longest being about 500 words and the shortest just a single word. For the production, she will be reading up to 45 of them.
“The first few will be cancer stories,” she revealed. “Then we go to other places, then back to cancer, and then other places again. They’re all different, the only thoroughline will be that all of them are factual, based on things that actually happened to me.”
The show is an intimate, honest and “unslick” journey with D’Cruz as she shares her stories, perspectives, questions, and concerns about life in a troubled world. Plenty of humour awaits – prepare, for example, to listen to some super saucy songs about breasts!
Taking things from “Zoom to room”, as she put it, was not easy, but she has a capable team behind her.
In keeping up with the experimental style of the show, each team member has an unconventional title: Janet Pillai is a “provocateur” instead of a director; multimedia designer Syamsul Azhar is an “intervener”; while Rajendran, who has been with the project from the start, is a “constant”.
“In retrospect, when I read some of the things I’ve written, I realise, ‘Oh, I’m not like this anymore’,” D’Cruz said in reflection. “Because it was time-specific, written when I felt a certain way. And now I’ve come to a different place. So I guess the writing has been good for me.”
Other parts of the show are more heartfelt, as the performer reflects on her changing body, for example, or thinks about old friends now passed. One particularly poignant moment will see D’Cruz doing some of what she does best: dancing.
Ultimately, she hopes the production will allow audience members to experience a whole range of emotions.
“Who wants to go up on stage and tell your own cancer story? For an audience, that can be a bit scary. But I’m hoping it will also be useful, to tell them that it’s OK to be fearful, and it’s good to just talk about things like this.
“I can’t really say I hope for them to ‘have a good time’,” she concluded, “but I hope they feel something that’s real and honest from me, for themselves.”
‘ItSelf TerJadi’
When:
Dec 7-9 (Thursday to Saturday) @ 8.30pm
Dec 10 (Sunday) @ 3pm
Where:
Five Arts Studio Centre @ GMBB KL,
2, Jalan Robertson, Bukit Bintang,
50150 Kuala Lumpur
Tickets, priced at RM50 and RM30, can be purchased here. For more information, visit Five Arts Centre’s website.
