It turned out to be a matter of mistaken debt that was promptly resolved, but that fateful conversation ended up being the first of many between Bavani and Jeyaraj Santraju.
Their courtship continued and, like most young lovestruck couples, they spent countless hours on the phone. This didn’t stop even when Jeyaraj moved to Singapore to work at a shipping-container depot.
“Every day he would call me, and we would talk for about one to two hours. Before going to work, he made sure to call me first,” Bavani, 48, told FMT.
On Jan 3, 2006, however, it wasn’t Jeyaraj who called her, but his sister – with horrible news. “She said, ‘Bavani, I’m very sorry to say that Joe Boy'” – using his family nickname – “‘has met with an accident’,” Bavani recalled, holding back tears.
“When she told me that, I was really broken.”
Jeyaraj had been pinned to the ground by the chain of a shipping-container crane that had snapped overhead. As a result, the lower section of his spine was fractured and dislocated. He was only 27 at the time.
When Bavani hurried to visit him in Singapore, she was relieved to find a conscious, albeit bedridden, Jeyaraj in recovery. But during her second visit, everything changed.
“The doctor called me and said, ‘Your boyfriend is paralysed, he has lost all sensation below the hip and cannot walk.'”
Most people would find themselves at a crossroads upon receiving such news, but for Bavani, the way forward was clear. “I decided I had to live with him, because I love him,” she said simply.
Family matters
Initially, both Jeyaraj’s and Bavani’s families opposed her choice and tried to discourage her. Even Jeyaraj tried to persuade her to move on with her life and find an able-bodied partner.
“I said it doesn’t matter, I will marry him, and be with him for the rest of my life,” Bavani, who is a homemaker, asserted.
Eventually, both families accepted Bavani’s decision and, on Dec 6, 2007, she and Jeyaraj were pronounced husband and wife in the presence of their loved ones.
Over the years, Bavani and Jeyaraj underwent in vitro fertilisation (IVF) procedures in hopes of conceiving a child. In 2013, “after five years of trying”, they were blessed with a son, Phavickneyaraj Jeyaraj.
While intimacy with a disabled partner is different from conventional relationships, it has never been an issue for Bavani. And although Jeyaraj – now 45 and working as a social worker – sometimes worries he has ruined her life, Bavani is quick to remind him otherwise.
“I don’t feel that at all because I love him so much, until now. He’s still surviving and still provides for my son and me. That’s why I always remind my son that he should appreciate his father,” she said.
She acknowledged there are certain things she misses from when Jeyaraj was able-bodied: shared motorcycle rides, for instance, and walking with her then-boyfriend’s arm around her shoulder.
“Even when we watch people riding on motorcycles in movies, I think of the old days.”
Still, even after all these years, Bavani would be the first to tell you she has never doubted her decision. In fact, her love for Jeyaraj has only grown: “I fell in love with him more because he’s my son’s father; yet, at the same time, he’s still the same Jeyaraj.”
‘Our hero’
In 2016, Jeyaraj released a book, “Guidance for the Wheelchair Bound”, in which he details his experience of living with his disability. Jeyaraj wrote the book himself, modelling demonstrations while a friend took photographs.
“I was very proud of him; he did everything on his own,” Bavani said, adding: “He’s our hero.
“I will never [tell him], ‘I sacrificed my life for you.’ It’s my love. I’ve shared my love with you, and I want you to be my life partner.”
And today, on Valentine’s Day, she has some words of advice: “Don’t ever feel you can’t be happy if you marry someone with a disability. You can be happy if your love is true, and if you put in the effort.”
For your copy of ‘Guidance for the Wheelchair Bound’, contact Jeyaraj by sending an email to [email protected].