It tough being told that a loved one is terminally ill. Although death is a certainty, it’s a topic most are never comfortable with.

The Hong Kong College of Family Physicians say that a dying patient is one of the most difficult and challenging things to encounter.

Physicians are often times forced to reflect on their own mortality. While the pain is evident, there is a call to help make every death a “good one.”

While physicians play an important role in the care of a terminally ill loved one, you too have a big responsibility to provide them with round-the-clock care. This comes with many sacrifices.

What you can do for a loved one who is terminally ill

1. Don’t pretend you know the right thing to do

After a diagnosis, things will be chaotic. And when it’s chaotic, it’s natural to pretend that you are in control. Well, it’s okay to not be in control.

It’s okay to be unaware of what to do. Go easy on yourself because when you’re stressed, it will affect your loved one.

According to an article from WebMD, everyone’s journey towards death is different. So, you cannot compare what your family is going through with that of others. Your role is simply to be there.

You do not have to be armed with comforting words – you can be quiet and resilient as you stand with your loved one who is fighting for his or her life.

2. Understand the process of acceptance

Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, author of On Death and Dying, said those diagnosed with a serious illness go through five stages.

The first is denial, then comes anger, after which is bargaining, depression, and finally, acceptance.

It can be long or short, depending on your loved one. You can help usher them towards each phase while encouraging them along the way. The faster they reach acceptance, the easier it will be for everyone.

3. Respect their decisions

Despite their health condition, it’s important to respect your loved one’s decisions. They should be allowed to decide how and where they want to pass away.

For instance, they may opt for the hospital where they will receive round-the-clock care by nurses. Of course, this will be costly.

But in case they want to stay at home, then respect their wishes even if it means you will bear the weight of caring for them. With the little time you have with them, it should be time well spent.

4. Grieve with them

Grieving is proven to be an important process in healing ourselves of the past so that you can move on to the future with memories of our loved one.

It is okay to grieve but do it as a family. Share your feelings and be honest with your thoughts. This will make it easier for everyone when those thoughts are shared.

5. Keep things peaceful

Expect that tensions will arise, especially when the patient is going through a painful phase. Be patient and understand the situation. Keep the peace at home because that will help make things better for your sick loved one.

6. Prioritise love

Give your family abundant love. This is what your family ultimately needs. It will help keep things positive and will provide all of you with moral support as you go through this difficult time together.

Financial considerations

As hard as it may be, you need to start preparing for your life without your loved one. It may seem callous but it is important to think about your future, and especially of your finances when he or she is gone.

Here are the important things that you need to work on while your loved one is still around.

1. Financial provision. If the person who is ill used to be the breadwinner, make sure that you are ready to take on this task for the family or at least, identify someone who can.

2. Initiate estate planning. You need to make arrangements for the estate left behind – especially if you have kids and it is your spouse who is terminally ill.

Discuss the assets in their name. Get in touch with the executor and talk about the details of the will. Ask if any changes are needed and be prepared to pay estate taxes, and other inheritance fees and charges.

If you have the time and if your loved one is still strong enough (physically and mentally) to help arrange it, transfer titles to your name or your children’s.

3. Check all insurance policies. There may be updates needed on the beneficiaries of the policies. What’s more, your loved one may be entitled to additional claims during this time that will help pay the medical costs.

4. Research employer or government benefits. If your loved one used to work before the diagnosis, check if there are benefits as it could help reduce your expenses.

5. Be prepared for costs of funeral and burial/cremation. These will vary depending on where you hold the funeral and burial/cremation of your loved one.

This article first appeared in thenewsavvy.com

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