You know you have to eventually have that talk with your partner – yes, the one about money. But that conversation shouldn’t be painful or lead to the end of your relationship.

In fact, that conversation should empower you to work together to reach the goals you each have set individually and together.

Yet, according to various surveys, the most common reason for breakups and divorces is hands-down money problems.

One person may view money as a means to freedom, while another sees it as a means of security, and yet another might be intimidated by it.

There are ways to approach “the money talk” that can make it less daunting and more empowering.

1. Understand that everyone has different views on money

Our perspective about money is generally shaped by our upbringing and how our parents handled this aspect of their lives. If your parents struggled with debt, how will that make you feel towards money in the future?

On the contrary, if you grew up in a home where money was never an issue and you were able to get the things you always wanted, how does that change your perception of the value of money?

These experiences shape the way we think and handle our personal finances.

Understanding that everyone has different experiences and perspectives with money can improve your empathy and patience in having a conversation about finances.

2. Talk about the goals you want to achieve

Do you want to start your own business? Do you want to retire early? Do you want to spend more money on gym membership and less on eating out?

Does your partner know these things? What are you shared goals as a couple? What are your individual goals?

Talking about both short-term and long-term goals helps make sure that both of you are aligned so that surprises about preferences on emergency funds, retirement, buying a house, or the children’s tertiary education don’t arise.

3. Share openly and early on your personal finances

What are the steps couples can take to have a happy relationship while also being open about their financial and life goals? An open, mutual communication channel can help, because sharing life goals is an important step.

Whether you are in a new relationship, about to get married, or have been in a relationship for years, it’s never too early to have a conversation about money with a serious partner.

For one thing, the earlier you start, the more comfortable you’ll get talking about money, and the fewer surprises you’ll face later on.

One person might be comfortable enough with just three months of expenses saved up for an emergency fund, but someone else may feel more comfortable with 12 months.

Everyone is different and demonstrates these differences through their personal needs and wants. It’s important to understand these preferences.

To empower each other (keep money arguments to a minimum), have regular conversations, and understand that compromises usually have to be made.

Even if finance seems to be a boring or alien topic to you, or if you believe your partner would do a better job managing your shared finances, you should still be involved. It’s your financial future just as much as his or hers.

And not to evoke distrust in your partner, but it’s important to remember that there are plenty of horror stories about people never speaking about money with their spouse only to find out years later that they are massively in debt or have no savings to show for. So, be present with your money.

4. Communicate regularly

A real life example of a couple is that they have a “financial date” set once a month to touch base about their finances. At this time, they update each other on their overall financial picture by going quickly over their financial review.

This way a couple can discuss and ask questions about how their net worth is progressing, how they are working on paying off their mortgage, and in general feel secure about how their shared ideal financial picture is developing.

This is an easy exercise that takes just 30 minutes. Everyone can and should adopt it as part of their relationship. It will certainly eliminate major surprises down the road. And it feels great working together as a team.

5. Empower each other

We have all heard friends and family say things like, “I’m not good with numbers”; “My husband takes care of the finances”; and “I don’t want to talk about finances with my spouse because it always leads to arguments.”

The reality is that money doesn’t have to be a hindrance. When managed properly, it is a means to just about every one of your life goals.

Remember, talking about money shouldn’t be scary. It’s something that affects every single person in the world, and when we talk with people we love about it, we can reach our goals sooner.

This article has appeared in https://mypf.my

MyPF is on a mission to help simplify and grow Malaysians’ personal finances through financial education.