“Mum, my friend was like, so happy to be like, trolled and I like ‘lol’ed so much, like you know rip.”

While making a mental note of the number of “likes” in one sentence, I felt that I was either being rudely awoken from a deep slumber or on holiday in a bizarre country.

Then I assumed a brace position as I tumbled down to planet earth, nervous at the thought of having to learn yet another language and at the same time feeling delighted that my 12-year-old was trying to communicate with Jurassic me in a rather peculiar language.

Having a pre-adolescent or “tween” at home is a new experience that any parent, has the “right” of passage to experience. Your cute, adorable boy (or girl) is now in this gangly, awkward stage of neither being here (young child) nor there (teenager).

In the midst of dealing with mood swings, door-slamming, foot-stamping, eye-rolling, and having to “talk to the hand” occasionally, we are faced with the prospect of having to decipher their slang (informal words), parlance (interest related) or worse still, doublespeak (ambiguous or obscure language).

I have to admit that I have used one or two of these acronyms while texting on my mobile device, but it is strange or foreign when you hear someone say these out loud in a “normal sentence”.

Being a ‘newb’ I am lambasted with my son’s lingua franca of acronyms, abbreviations and new phrases that is simply mind-boggling and let us face it, age revealing.

Of course I thought ‘newb’ simply meant newbie but I was sadly mistaken. To my shock and horror, I soon discovered that I had pronounced it correctly but misspelt it. A ‘noob’ refers to a person who is inexperienced, usually in an online game BUT is usually excessively annoying.

Believe me, no matter how hard I try, I am never EVER annoying.

So I figured that the only way to deal with this “foreign” language thing was to take the bull by the horns and learn another language, “the tween-speak”. In other words, if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.

Garnered with enough “new” words and phrases, I had an ingenious plan of coming up with an all-new dictionary of new fangled words for struggling parents, when my money-making dream was dashed by my device-wielding offspring.

Not wanting my translating efforts to go to waste, here are a few to add to your vocabulary and make you feel with the times.

Troll: Nope, it is not the cute Justin Timberlake “Branch” from Trolls the moive. It just simply means deliberately making offensive online postings with an aim of upsetting the other.

Lol: This means laughing out loud and apparently can be used as a verb with the full ranks of present and past tense.

RIP: Yes, it does mean “rest in peace” however not in the dearly departed way but when something ends. For example, “Rip to all the money I spent on the pizza.”

Yolo: You only live once. Bearing no relationship to the prologue of “You only live twice”, this acronym means to make the most of the present and also can be used for any ridiculous thing you do. Oh by the way, my son just yelled out that “yolo” was so 2014!

Bae: A shortened version of babe or baby. So if you are called Aunty Baby (being the youngest aunty and all), be hip and call yourself “Aunty Bae”.

My bad: If your tween has made a mistake, this phrase is frequently used as a cover when in fact it means “Yes, I was bad.” We (adults) should not use this phrase unless you absolutely want to embarrass your tween.

Ride: Originally (back in my time), “ride” meant transport but now it includes shoes. It does make sense as you use your shoes, opps sorry, ride, to take you places. “How do you like my ride?” simply refers to the type of foot apparel, brand and variety one is wearing.

Supersize: As you know, it means big or large portions to you and I, but to a tween, it means anything, anyone, any idea that is excessively large.

Salty: When I overheard my son’s friends chatting one day, I was puzzled when a classmate was referred to as “salty”. The shock on my face said it all. My imagination was going overboard, thinking these boys actually went around “tasting” each other. Then a quick-thinking friend painstakingly explained “salty” refers to a person who is upset, annoyed or embarrassed. Imagine, silly old me thought “salty” was dedicated to one of the five tastes in relation to food.

Extra: If someone calls you an “extra”, rest assured that you are not in a blockbuster movie, but you definitely are either trying too hard or being OTT (over the top).

Greycation: When grandparents join your vacation, it is a greycation. Obviously it is a spin-off from the term “staycation”. I wonder what would happen if your grandparent has pepper-coloured hair. Will it then be called “peppercation”?

Awesomity: Immediately transporting me to Amityville Horror (I don’t know why), this term refers to the highest state of being awe-inspiring. So to flatter someone, simply say “You ooze awesomity.”

Savage: Images of being lost in a jungle come to mind. However, this wild term refers either to a person who is being absolutely cool or does not care about the consequences; basically a bad a**.

So remember, the next time your tween is salty (having a toddler-like meltdown), supersize your awesomity and stay cool and chilax, bae! You’ve got it under control.